Of all things I have ever wanted to be, the one thing I’ve always wanted to be is happy. I want to be happy with where I am. I want to be happy with the person I am and happy with the things I do. Of all things I’ve wanted, I have always wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and be comfortable with my reflection. I want to like what I see, not regret it. In fact, I don’t want to regret a thing.
There are people who appear happy. There are (of course) the social media posts which give the appearance of happiness. There are people that seem to have their life together. They have their happy family and their happy lives in their happy, beautiful homes with a garage or perhaps even a detached garage—and to all others, the appearance would seem wealthy and fine.

There was a walk I took through Central Park once. I was alone. I was all by myself with nothing else to do. There was no place else to go and no one else to see. I think they call this “Me” time.
I was at the tail end of a bad job with a suit and tie type of lifestyle. Or, more accurately, I was just a kid in a suit.
I was selling woven labels and identification items to garment manufacturers at a place over on 33rd St.
This was literally one of the worst and most uninteresting jobs that I ever had. I was young and trying my best to impersonate a grown-up. I had a job though. I had the briefcase. I wore a suit and read the newspaper on the train. I drank coffee from a Styrofoam cup with the little plastic lid, flipped upwards.
I tried my best to fit in. I did my best to dress well and play the part of a young, hotshot salesman. I tried but deep down, I knew this was not for me.

I look at where I was in the beginning and I come to the same sentiment as I did back then. In whichever way possible and by any means necessary, I made a commitment to myself to create and recreate me on a daily basis for the rest of my life.
I have to want to improve in order for me to be better. I have to see where I am in an honest perspective.

There are times when even the strongest denial cannot blind the eyes to the obvious. In my case, I knew there was a need for change.
But how?
Is it really possible for someone to change?

Back in the days when I was just a helper and working in a building on 3^rd Avenue as an assistant building engineer, I was studying for my certification to move up in the ranks.
I was part of the team, somewhat liked and somewhat disliked by a few of the members in my crew. I was liked by the ones that worked and disliked by the ones that looked to skate.

1)

Every so often, I need a morning like this.
All is quiet and the sky is gray.
The wind is moving like a whisper
and the leaves in the trees are barely moving.
But Project Earth, I know she is moving.

There is a reason for everything they say.
I suppose there must be a reason; only, I’m not always sure I like what the reason is. I’m not sure how reasons make sense of things like the loss of a loved one or heartache.
They say there is a reason, that there is a path for us, and that someway, somehow, we are all going to end up exactly where we are supposed to be.
I assume this is true —I mean this has to be true especially if we believe this is true.

I am writing this to you as a roadmap, just in case you find yourself lost. This way, you will know when to turn and get off at the next exit. Otherwise, you might find yourself heading the wrong way for a long time, which is no different than driving the wrong way down a one way street.

We were a few miles out of Jones Inlet with the sun behind us and the open sea ahead. The hour was closing in on sunset and the horizon took on the shades of orange and purple. There were slight traces of pastel color outlining the clouds and bordering color between Heaven and Earth.

Be advised, life comes with options. Even when the options are not what we like or even if the options we have are unfortunate or painful; there will always be options.
Be advised, we do have the right to choose who we spend our time with. We have the right to choose who we share ourselves with and how much we give.
There is no rule which states we have to give it all, especially when we all we feel is that we give and we give, but nothing is ever returned.

As parents or loved ones or even as good friends, we try to find the right words to say when life turns bad for someone we love. However, before going forward, I will take into account my own times of hopelessness, in which, any word was too hard for me to hear. Some words, in fact, were more like an insult instead of encouraging.