1)
Every so often, I need a morning like this.
All is quiet and the sky is gray.
The wind is moving like a whisper
and the leaves in the trees are barely moving.
But Project Earth, I know she is moving.
I know the world is turning.
Everything is turning because everything always turns,
which is why I enjoy the quiet moments like this;
it’s okay to stop and breathe.
It’s okay to appreciate the gentle rain
and recognize the greenery of the trees and the grass.
I don’t mind the rain.
Not at all.
(Do you?)
There was a morning I spent on top of a nearby mountain.
The mist was perfect. I sat at the opening of my tent
and looked outward. I was near a lake at the time.
The water was like a mirror but the reflection of the sky
was distracted by the drizzle of raindrops.
I could hear the droplets spattering against the roof of my tent.
I didn’t mind the rain then either.
I swear this was like watching a show.
This was like watching Mother Earth
reminding me to take a minute,
to just sit still,
relax,
and let the rain pass.
(Such is life, I say)
We seem to hold things too tightly.
We tend to take things too seriously.
Everything is so goddamned crucial.
Everything is critical.
We are critical of ourselves and critical of others.
We live in high anxiety and judgmental times.
Everything is so goddamned serious.
And who can relax?
How can anyone relax in times like this?
This is why there’s rain.
The rain comes to settle the dust of our crazy existence,
to let us know it’s okay to calm down,
and relax.
I love how the rainy days clear the roads
they soften the time to a quiet hush.
It’s peaceful
We live in anxious times you and me . . .
The rain has a way of silencing this
Sometimes we need a reminder to put the anxiety aside
and just perform~
2)
Whether I am heard or seen and noticed
is less important than it seems.
All I have to do is show up and be me.
That’s it.
All else is just unnecessary stress.
What will happen?
Will my words come out right?
Will I have the chance to say everything that needs to be said?
What if I mess up?
What if I fail?
My attachment to the outcome has often affected my performance.
Rather than focus on my effort,
I found myself thinking about the aftermath.
I wondered about my performance.
I worried too much
about too many things.
I was afraid of failing
and afraid of being exposed;
afraid of speaking in public
or reading in public,
and somehow,
I had visions of people standing up
and walking out,
shaking their heads,
as if to insinuate,
“What a complete waste of time!”
(Now I breathe . . .)
Social anxiety—
It’s like . . .
It’s like all eyes are on me and not in a good way.
I begin to think I’m a fool
and I’ve not even started my day yet.
I’m a joke.
I have these thoughts swirling around in my head,
which have nothing to do with reality
but yet, I’m thinking them,
so then they must be real.
Am I right?
They must be true, right?
If not, then
why else would I be thinking them?
This is life while caught in the thought machine.
The only way out
is to defy the inaccurate
and illogical thoughts in my head.
I have to replace thought with action.
In times like this
I have to behave oppositely from my thinking.
Else, I give in
I send my energy in a direction that does me no good.
And I want to be good.
I really do.
3)
Eventually, the sun will come out
and the wet grass will dry again.
The mountains, the green in the grass
and the leaves in the trees
will sway in the breeze.
All will be returned.
The sun will come back
and life will resume to its usual scene.
Eventually, the beaches will be clear again
and covered in bodies that look to drench in the sun.
The sand will dry and be scattered
with blankets and families
and little kids will build sand castles
or collect shells.
Eventually today’s outcome will be yesterday’s memory
and tomorrow can
be something totally different
if we let it be.
Life comes with its own stressors and daily complications.
I should know by now
to allow today to be sufficient for itself.
But I forget sometimes.
It’s okay though
It’s okay because every so often,
Mother Earth pours a little rain on us
to weaken the humidity
and break the tension
of our so-called crazy little lives.
4)
It’s okay to take a break. You know?
No one has
to be “On” all the time.
It’s okay to swing and miss
It’s okay to have an “Off” day
and don’t worry—
Tomorrow
will come with a new game to play
and I can play it too
so long as I choose to show up
No one has to be right or wrong
The idea of perfection is an inaccurate demon;
it plagues us with whispers to point out or flaws
and keep us from moving forward..
Whether I am heard or seen
and whether I have won or lost
is less important than it seems.
I can shoot and miss.
I can try and fail.
I can play and lose
and all of this is fine.
But I can’t lose to me.
I can’t just quit.
I can’t just give in
because quitting and giving in
can easily become a habit.
Next thing I know I’ll never try at all
No, In order for me to compete
or perform at any capacity,
I have to allow myself to be me
because being me is the most efficient
and sufficient thing I can do.
All else is beyond my control.
The Written Addiction 