Be advised, life comes with options. Even when the options are not what we like or even if the options we have are unfortunate or painful; there will always be options.
Be advised, we do have the right to choose who we spend our time with. We have the right to choose who we share ourselves with and how much we give.
There is no rule which states we have to give it all, especially when we all we feel is that we give and we give, but nothing is ever returned.
There is no law which states we have to get along with everyone and let’s face it; not everyone is a friend and not everyone is friendly.
Not everyone will see our point of view, simply because we want them to and one step further, not everyone will understand no matter how much we explain.
So why bother?
There are people that match and others that are mismatched. And again, life comes with options. We can either choose to accept the unchangeable facts that people are as they are and move on.
Or, we can fight this matter and force ourselves. The choice is always ours but which choice is better?
if someone does not want to be in our life then perhaps it is best we let them go; else they might stay and force us to pay for not being who “They” needed us to be.
A long time ago, I learned that I cannot force anyone to stay in my life. I learned that forcing relationships becomes a burden on both me and them.
Besides, where is the enjoyment in spending time with someone that wants to be someplace else?
I can certainly pick this apart and try to find fault or blame and try to repair the irreparable damages.
I can try to see where I went wrong. I can look to rectify my own behavior and correct my own flaws or mistakes; however, the rest is beyond me, which means all else is external and the fact is I have little to no control over the external world.
All I can do is me . . .
I cannot make someone love me or like me or want to spend time with me. I can say this is hurtful, of course, this is hurtful and why wouldn’t this be hurtful?
But I do reserve the right to heal and move forward. I do have the right to improve. I have the right to live and work towards my own happiness and no one has the right to take this away from me unless I give it to them.
But why would I?
Be advised, people pleasing does not work on a long-term basis. This might help with short-term goals. This might help gain attention or influence. But disappointment is inevitable, which, in the case of codependency is painful because we cannot maneuver away from this fact.
We cannot fix everything. We cannot change people, places, or things. We cannot please everyone nor should we be trying to.
If kindness is given then let it be given but keep in mind, if anything is given with the expectation of return then the fact remains that nothing was given at all.
Instead, we made a trade; except, sometimes our trades fall short and our return was less than we bargained for.
All relationships are no different from a contract. Sometimes the contract is solid; sometimes the contracts are beneficial and sometimes we need to renegotiate the terms as we go along.
Boundaries are important. They are the guidelines which dictate our rules of engagement, which put simply, means that we do not have to play along if we choose not to.
This is why i say relationships are like a contract. Be advised however, we need to be mindful of the stipulations. Otherwise, we lose ourselves to unrealistic expectations.
Although painful, no one ever dies from a broken heart. It may seem this way though. The idea of the loneliness without someone is far from an enjoyable fact; however, in many cases this is a nonnegotiable fact. Therefore we can accept the new terms of this contract and heal or we can hold on to the hurt and stay in the pain.
This goes for all relationships because not all relationships will last forever and not everyone will honor our boundaries or the stipulations in our contract.
In fact, one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make was to allow myself to separate from loved ones and other valuable people in my life.
I learned if someone does not want to be around me then let them be someplace else. I am not saying this is a happy fact but forcing people to stay around will only make matters more depressing.
Be aware that we have the right to our own value. It is sad when things do not work out well. It is disappointing to love or care for someone and lose them.
As a parent, it is hurtful to see children turn away or ignore us. It hurts when parental love is not returned, same as it hurts when any of our love is given but not received and thrown away.
There is a choice we all have to make. Either we live today with our best future in mind or will live in our yesterdays and do nothing else but consider our regrets, which multiply because regret is a cancer that spreads.
A long time ago, I had to learn how to remove the cancers in my life. I had to be sure to get rid of all the toxicity, almost surgically, which in the case of any surgery is painful.
But at least now I can heal. Now I can move forward. Now I have the right to live my life to my own best standards without regarding or worrying about people that did not care or show me the proper respect to me in the first place.
One of my favorite lines from a commercial is, “You are now free to move about the country.” This was from an airline advertisement, which meant we are free to fly anywhere.
I relate this to my own freedom. I relate this to the day I decided to push myself away from toxic people and toxic places. And sure, this hurt. But I am now free to move about the country.