Finally, I have a chance to breathe.
Late night and New York City streetlights stand tall over an otherwise empty corner near Lexington and 43rd.
(I’m sure you know the place)
The summertime in the city is different to me somehow and as I stand, staring up at the Chrysler across from Grand Central Station, I lower my view to watch a herd of out-of-towners, dressed in their city best, and Continue reading
I’m not sure where it all began. I can’t pinpoint the initial change or where my feelings shifted as a kid. Maybe it was an early realization I had. Only, I never had the language to describe it. I only know I that always felt differently from the rest. I was much smaller than most my age. I was babyish in appearance, thin, and terribly weak for my age. I never had much athletic ability and I couldn’t fight my way out of a wet paper bag.
I never felt like I fit in or I belonged — but I always wanted to.
I always Continue reading
There are a few things I have wanted to do for a very long time now. This is not to say it can’t happen or it won’t happen. Perhaps these are just ideas I have and they are thoughts which are enough to make me smile with good intention.
For a long time now, I’ve wanted to walk through the hallways of my old elementary school. I want to see what the cafeteria looks like and if the walls are still painted the same way because as best as I can remember, I believe the walls were painted with characters from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Then I laugh a little to myself because in today’s day and age of political correctness, the word dwarf is offensive so perhaps the walls in the cafeteria are changed now. Or maybe Snow White isn’t cool anymore.
I wonder if the Band Cave, which was underground, downstairs near the front, main entrance if I am not mistaken. This downstairs was actually a Continue reading
I was listening to people talk about the recent news of a man who decided to take his own life.
“But how,” they asked.
“How could someone like him do something like that?”
I never met the man in question. I can only tell of my personal experience. I can tell you what happened in my case with hopes that by exposing my truth, this explanation might possibly be enough to raise awareness and educate those who are affected. Also, in my effort to explain, I am hoping that this might reach a special someone, and they will know someone else felt Continue reading
A long, long time ago, someone once told me, “You have to give it away to keep it . . .”
Early on a Monday morning, I began this project with a stream of different thoughts which acted like voices in my head. And they spoke to me about different doubts and concerns as I walked through the double glass doors at the rear entrance to a one-story brick building. I walked through the first set of doors and passed a man sitting beside a metal detector. He smiled kindly and welcomed me through without search or the need to pass through the detector. Next, I passed through a double wooden door, which is locked shut for security purposes. Heading to the right side of the corridor, I walked Continue reading
It was years ago. It was more than two decades ago to be exact. I was young teenage boy on the verge of manhood when this part of my story began. I was thin and my hair was wild and long. My eyes were half-shut in a lazy, relaxed-minded expression—tired like, and beaten with dark circles beneath them. I was pale skinned to an almost green shade. In truth, I feel as though this part of my story happened in a different lifetime.
Long ago, it must have been a different person because in truth, the details of my younger life feel like the details of a book or a movie that I watched years ago, —except I never forgot the plot to this movie and unlike most stories, mine comes with both internal and external scars.
I still have Continue reading
I was thinking about a few words this morning and decided to look them up in the dictionary. I know what the words mean. After all, these are simple words. Maybe I just needed something a little bit more concrete . . .
The dictionary says the word “Purpose” means the reason why something exists or is done. Purpose is an action with an intended or desired result. Purpose is an aim or goal. Purpose is also determination to be. It means reason
The dictionary also says the word “Destiny” means something that is to happen. It is the predetermined, the eventual and irresistible, inevitable, and the power or agency that determines the Continue reading
I ever tell you about what happened
after the package from 134th St?
The wind blew and my body folded.
It was like a dream
It was like nothing I had ever felt before
or expected to . . .
Tension turns into warmth;
the spine gives way without weight to establish gravity
and the soul reverses into atmosphere.
White powder slowly transforms Continue reading
From Junkie Stories:
All was quiet around me. I was in a strange holding pattern, awaiting a new placement in new housing, and unsure of what would come next. Outside, a sharp wind blew through the trees and snapped with a wind so cold you’d think the branches would crack from the frost. I sat alone, wishing I was elsewhere, waiting for a ride over to a place I call The Farm—I was a million miles from home and a million miles from the things I missed the most. I was also million miles from the strong dose of quiet storms that sent me in terrific nods and left me bent over, halfway down to the ground, and spiraling into a sense of beautiful emptiness.
There is something to this life Continue reading
I truly believe there is strength in numbers. So don’t go it alone. I have seen proof of this and watched the benefit of brotherhood change the world for those whose life was tragic and sad.
“A fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem, and help others to recover . . .”
This is only an excerpt of a slightly longer preamble to define a primary purpose.
Last night, I spent a lengthy amount on the phone with someone. He is a young man trying to find his way—trying to figure out what steps to take, where to go, and if at all possible; is there really a solution?
The loneliest moment Continue reading
The Written Addiction 