Rain falls and the small town of East Meadow is quiet. The view from my living room window is peaceful and the gray sky has given me the prefect reason to be lazy.
My friend The Old Tree stands across the street from my home and I celebrate another year of its endurance. Looking though my front window, I can see a distant water tower poking the belly of the sky above the rooftops.
This has been my view for close to eight years; a view which I thought I would lose on a few occasions. But much like my friend The Old Tree from across the street; I have roots here. I belong exactly where I am. I am a part of this town’s history, and with hope, I plan to be a part of its future. Continue reading →

When I arrived at your facility, I was still shaky at best. I was not sober for very long and the whispering urges were still with me. So was the attitude and so were scams that come with every wise-ass kid trying to prove himself. I weighed just over 100lbs and my skin was beginning to come back to a natural color. My eyes were sunken with dark rings beneath them and my ribs poked from the sides of my body. I was not ready to give up my addiction and I was even less willing Continue reading →

I want to sit in my car, turn the key, and take you to small place in a quiet town. I want to go beyond the tall city buildings and away from the hustling grind of the everyday businesses, away from the senseless chatter of meaningless complaints, and away from the everyday energies that drain us from our dreams. I want to drive over the George Washington Bridge and through the valleys and mountains that make our upstate drives as scenic as they are.

I want to drive along I-80 into the State of Continue reading →

I began my shift at 5:00 this morning, and like most days, I started with a cup of coffee, a long stretch, which followed with a loud yawn, and then I changed out of my clothes and into my uniform. I grabbed my tools and did the best I could to wipe the sleep from my face. I was stationed on the 11^th floor and waiting for the water to drain from the building’s sprinkler system.
After running through different stairwells and shutting different valves, it was time to drain, and wait for the repairs.

One of the interesting facts of my location is the building was completed in 1927. It was the tallest building in the world . . . for six months. And sometimes after demolition, I find things tucked in Continue reading →

My friend Jack once told me, “Kid, the best revenge is good living.”

It was my last day in treatment and I followed through with the usual handshakes, farewell hugs, and the well-wishes that came from the other patients.
The morning flew by and my bags were already packed, but there was something stagnant about Continue reading →

In the wake of a recent tragedy, I feel the need to explain some of my own darkness in order to shed some light on the effects of depression.
Depression is a mental virus or cancer that decays from within. I cannot pinpoint when my struggle began. I suppose it began when I was introduced to the classrooms at school.
This was where I learned about my differences from other people. This is when I realized I was different in size and strength. I learned about the different structures of popularity and I struggled to fit in.

But let me pause here . . .
Before I go on, I will explain that I am not licensed on this subject in any way. I am not a therapist or a doctor.
This is only an account of what happened to me and my survival. . .

At a young age, nothing seemed easy or reachable to me, and whatever did come Continue reading →

The morning commute is often the same . . .
Same people stand in their same spots on the platform to the railroad. They find themselves sitting near the same people in the same seats, and I am one of these people, moving into an already crowded train with hopes to find a seat, and clear my mind before my commute delivers me to the city.
I have maintained this commute for more than two decades, and on more than one of Continue reading →

1)

The worst is to age without cause or live without reason
The worst is to be complacent with mediocrity,
or to accept the ordinary.
And above all,
the worst is to age late in life without feeling the glory of reflection . . .

Even the rough experiences add season to life,
and anything without season
is bland.

One day, if I pull off my trick,
I will wake up and be older.
And if my memory is clear. I will look back and remember
the times I broke night and watched the sun come up
over New York City.
I will recall what the full moon looks like
over the Atlantic Ocean,
and I will sigh with satisfaction because I lived
instead of wondered.
Continue reading →

I am standing at the verge of a change; only, I am unsure which direction it will come from or when this change will happen. I cannot put my finger on whether the change will be good or bad. I can just feel it coming . . . and closing in slowly. I tend to overthink myself when this happens.
I feel edgy, but writing helps.

I sometimes sit with my friend Clyde for lunch.  We talk about the old days when Continue reading →

I don’t ever want to feel like,
“This is it.”
I don’t want to think,
“This is all life has for me.”

I don’t ever want to be still
or stagnant,
or common
I want everything to feel like it does in the beginning Continue reading →