Knowing
If we didn’t know or if we didn’t have the capacity to understand or the ability to see, deeply, or at least deeper than the surface levels, and if we were blind in the sense that we couldn’t see the world around us or know about the weight from the different calamities or chaos, or if we truly lacked the gene to know or feel then, at best, we would be unaware or unfeeling; and more, we would be unmoved by ourselves and unattached to our levels of self-importance.
Continue readingPerhaps I am the same age now as my teachers were when I was a child.
I was young and precocious. And them, they were older and less hopeful, tired,
less than patient and more than anxious to get out of a life
that they never seemed to bargain for.
Perhaps I understand more about the intolerableness of a life or a life unfulfilled,
or unenthusing, uninspired, like a constant reminder that a choice was made out of haste
or that, at one point, a decision to reach a settlement instead of satisfaction took place
and years went by where we outgrew our surroundings
so our wings could never spread –
Perhaps, I have grown to recognize this
or understand this now that youth is now what it used to be.
I
What I am about to share with you is in some ways career suicide because
while I supposedly work in an updated world of diversity, equity and yes,
inclusive ideas that are supposed to help bring people together
instead of marginalize or separate us as different – the truth is,
I have my feet in different worlds.
I wear different uniforms for different tasks.
Depending upon the hour, I wear a blue collar and a white
yet there is other work that I do, like this for example,
which is neither determined by the color of my collar or defined
by education or degrees on the wall.
If I am and always was
then in fairness to myself
then I am and always will be
the sum of myself, which is
added to the masses of thousands of thoughts
and, therefore, I am the one who
I’ve always thought myself to be
Endlessly –
Continue readingSection 1 –
There are so many different versions of me
which, at this point,
I suppose it’s hard to keep up with all of me –
at least for me it is.
There’s the old me and the younger me.
There’s the new me and the me who I want to become. But then,
there’s the professional version of me
and the unprofessional version too
but then there’s the dreamer and the hopeful version.
Verse 1:
For the record,
I do not condone or support the way “I was”
Or the way I “used to” be.
I laugh about this now.
I can do that because I’ve matured some,
at least a little.
Or, maybe only slightly
but at last,
I have learned to laugh at myself,
at my past,
at the things I did and what I said.
And . . . So . . .
I suppose this might be personal.
Maybe this is too personal,
Then again, what isn’t personal?
What is anything worth if there is no substance
nor earth nor depth nor sound nor meaning
behind the words we chose?
What is anything worth
if we deem it as otherwise worthless?
Then here we are, trying to pretend or trying hard
to play a role or fit the part.
Here were are with a brave face, facing the world,
and standing in the crowd, “As if”
looking to pull the job of someone
who’s supposed to know what to do.
Now, here’s a thought to remember . . .
I know that perhaps I paraphrase
but in each is their own internal strife or struggle,
which means that somewhere,
someone or something has gone wrong
and in the magnificent journey of life unfolding,
we find ourselves at the doorstep of different conclusions.
This can come from anywhere and from anyone.
Our life comes in different shapes and sizes
and whereas one sees something,
another might see something else,
as in entirely.
Sometimes you have to dig down deep
in order to let go.
Sometimes, I feel.
Sometimes, I want.
Sometimes, I wish and sometimes I weep
and oftentimes, I wonder.
Sometimes I move in circles
to come back and overlap where I began
to see how far I’ve come or to recognize
where I’ve been.
My head smiles at the sight of the winds.
I can find myself here, happily empty without the need to fill
or be fulfilled and instead, or more obscurely,
to be found in the happiness of pure detachment,
as if to be away from the grind, away from the passive/aggressiveness
of our daily office politics or to be away from the hustle
and the need to be “on” as if to mean to be away
from the constant need to keep your cards close to the vest,
to watch your back all the time, or to hide vulnerability,
and to be away from the back and forth arguments-
This is the ultimate destination.
