I never thought much about the different concepts of God. All I knew is the lessons I was raised with. I was told there is a God and I was taught about my religion. I assigned myself to the religion of my upbringing, but at the same time, I never knew what to believe and aside from this, I never examined my thoughts on God.
I was raised in a Jewish household in a mainly Irish/Catholic, Roman/Catholic, anti-Semitic town. I was told I was different.
We were Jews and I mean this in the negative sense of the word. When I say we were Jews, I mean were part of a race that when the word was said, the pronunciation made this description sound dirty, as if it were an adjective instead of a noun. I never understood why this was. All I knew Continue reading
Addiction Is Not New
There is a key moment in young life when the path splits and some of our friends go one way and some friends go another. This is when the crowds became the crowds and I became me. This was the age when we became aware of status and we were divided up into different divisions of “Cool,” and the social echelons became what it was
But me, I was the kid sitting on the left side of the school’s cafeteria. Trying to fit in, —I was longhaired, crazy, and wild for sure. I was wild to be someplace else and wild to escape the Continue reading
My Week in the Sweep
A long, long time ago, someone once told me, “You have to give it away to keep it . . .”
Early on a Monday morning, I began this project with a stream of different thoughts which acted like voices in my head. And they spoke to me about different doubts and concerns as I walked through the double glass doors at the rear entrance to a one-story brick building. I walked through the first set of doors and passed a man sitting beside a metal detector. He smiled kindly and welcomed me through without search or the need to pass through the detector. Next, I passed through a double wooden door, which is locked shut for security purposes. Heading to the right side of the corridor, I walked Continue reading
True story
I only have one question . . .
It really all comes down this and as simple or complex as we make it out to be—bottom line is it still comes down to this one simple thing.
When is it your turn to be who you want to be? And I understand life happens all around us, every day, and life gets in the way of our plans. I also understand the difference between having a dream and Continue reading
9,496 DAYS AGO
It was years ago. It was more than two decades ago to be exact. I was young teenage boy on the verge of manhood when this part of my story began. I was thin and my hair was wild and long. My eyes were half-shut in a lazy, relaxed-minded expression—tired like, and beaten with dark circles beneath them. I was pale skinned to an almost green shade. In truth, I feel as though this part of my story happened in a different lifetime.
Long ago, it must have been a different person because in truth, the details of my younger life feel like the details of a book or a movie that I watched years ago, —except I never forgot the plot to this movie and unlike most stories, mine comes with both internal and external scars.
I still have Continue reading
About The Child
I think this was toughest on my mother. She couldn’t understand this at all. She tried but she couldn’t understand where she went wrong or why she couldn’t help me. I suppose it hurt her most because above anything, she blamed herself. In her mind, it was her fault. It was all her fault.
It was her fault because she didn’t know how I felt. To my mother, it was all her fault because she never saw this coming. She had no Continue reading
About The Kids
The thing about being a kid is when you’re young; somehow, you think you have everything figured out. You think you know better. You think you have all the angles covered and the detail of your plans is flawless. That is, of course, until you get caught.
The problem with being a kid is the feelings we have are the same as adults. The concerns change as we grow older, but deep down, we’re all just overgrown kids hoping to find our place in the sandbox. We’re all Continue reading
The Reason For It All
I was thinking about a few words this morning and decided to look them up in the dictionary. I know what the words mean. After all, these are simple words. Maybe I just needed something a little bit more concrete . . .
The dictionary says the word “Purpose” means the reason why something exists or is done. Purpose is an action with an intended or desired result. Purpose is an aim or goal. Purpose is also determination to be. It means reason
The dictionary also says the word “Destiny” means something that is to happen. It is the predetermined, the eventual and irresistible, inevitable, and the power or agency that determines the Continue reading
Day Four Of A Short Vacation
Day Four:
4:00am
Can’t sleep
Vacation days slip away quickly.
Valuable friends of mine have urged me to take a stand and “Put up or shut up,” so to speak. I took the challenge but I admit this will not be an easy one. The last few days have been filled with steps leading towards a goal that I’ve had for quite some time. I’ve wanted to work on this for a long time but all I did was come up with excuses. Well, the time for excuses is over. And that’s a good thing because Continue reading
Here On Project Earth
I agree when you tell me, “The past comes with sharp hooks.”
If we allow it, the hooks can sink deep in our flesh and pull us backwards. If we’re not careful, the claws from our yesterday can keep us from enjoying today; and moving forward, if we’re not careful the hooks, which hold us back will annihilate the ability of a better tomorrow.
I admit to the hooks of my past. I admit to the old routines and methods, which at the time, made sense to me. I admit to the burden of harsh memories and hurt feelings. And going further, I admit to my participation in this unhealthy cycle. I admit to my wrongs exactly as they were. And I acknowledge my wrongs to dull the sharp hooks of my yesterday; to keep them from sinking in and to keep them from ripping at the flesh of my sanity.
Rather than allow myself to Continue reading
The Written Addiction 