I think this was toughest on my mother. She couldn’t understand this at all. She tried but she couldn’t understand where she went wrong or why she couldn’t help me. I suppose it hurt her most because above anything, she blamed herself. In her mind, it was her fault. It was all her fault.
It was her fault because she didn’t know how I felt. To my mother, it was all her fault because she never saw this coming. She had no Continue reading
About The Kids
The thing about being a kid is when you’re young; somehow, you think you have everything figured out. You think you know better. You think you have all the angles covered and the detail of your plans is flawless. That is, of course, until you get caught.
The problem with being a kid is the feelings we have are the same as adults. The concerns change as we grow older, but deep down, we’re all just overgrown kids hoping to find our place in the sandbox. We’re all Continue reading
The Reason For It All
I was thinking about a few words this morning and decided to look them up in the dictionary. I know what the words mean. After all, these are simple words. Maybe I just needed something a little bit more concrete . . .
The dictionary says the word “Purpose” means the reason why something exists or is done. Purpose is an action with an intended or desired result. Purpose is an aim or goal. Purpose is also determination to be. It means reason
The dictionary also says the word “Destiny” means something that is to happen. It is the predetermined, the eventual and irresistible, inevitable, and the power or agency that determines the Continue reading
Day Four Of A Short Vacation
Day Four:
4:00am
Can’t sleep
Vacation days slip away quickly.
Valuable friends of mine have urged me to take a stand and “Put up or shut up,” so to speak. I took the challenge but I admit this will not be an easy one. The last few days have been filled with steps leading towards a goal that I’ve had for quite some time. I’ve wanted to work on this for a long time but all I did was come up with excuses. Well, the time for excuses is over. And that’s a good thing because Continue reading
Here On Project Earth
I agree when you tell me, “The past comes with sharp hooks.”
If we allow it, the hooks can sink deep in our flesh and pull us backwards. If we’re not careful, the claws from our yesterday can keep us from enjoying today; and moving forward, if we’re not careful the hooks, which hold us back will annihilate the ability of a better tomorrow.
I admit to the hooks of my past. I admit to the old routines and methods, which at the time, made sense to me. I admit to the burden of harsh memories and hurt feelings. And going further, I admit to my participation in this unhealthy cycle. I admit to my wrongs exactly as they were. And I acknowledge my wrongs to dull the sharp hooks of my yesterday; to keep them from sinking in and to keep them from ripping at the flesh of my sanity.
Rather than allow myself to Continue reading
From Bedtime Stories For The Insomniac
Nothing fills a room like emptiness. And though there may be a chair in the room or a stainless steel fountain with a toilet below it; and though there may be place to lie down, or a spot to rest or sleep—like a narrow bed or a hard wooden bench, there is equally nothing around but a bricked room of incarceration.
There is a floor and a flat ceiling. Continue reading
Weight Loss Made Simple
There was a small blocked off section in the far right hand corner at the back of The Old Man’s shop on Archer Avenue in Jamaica, Queens. To explain, The Old Man was a licensed steam fitter—and since school and I decided to agree to disagree, I woke early with The Old Man to undergo the Monday—Friday working life of long week days with the all too often short weekends.
The shop was as anyone would expect it. There was an area up front where the cars and company trucks parked. On the Continue reading
Love, Sex, and The Happily Ever After
The wildest love is young love. This is the kind when love happens like magnets pulling together, and wherever you are, wherever you choose to go, this is the kind of love that causes us to sneak away, to find a closet somewhere, or maybe even a bathroom while trying to hush each other to keep our operation discrete. A love like this is new and so unexplored. And even the quick little secret getaways, the ones that cause us to go in places where we could possibly be caught; and living on the edge or on the verge of something so wild like Continue reading
Going For a Drive
One of the best drives I ever took was a drive out to the east end of Long Island. The drive was taken with no reason, no one with me, no destination in mind and with no time frame to go, continue, or turn around and come back home. I had a full tank of gas, which was good because I had very little money. All I had was half a pack of Camel Light Wides—they were the thick ones, which are the same as other cigarettes; only these were thicker in girth instead of longer in length like the 100 brands. I’m not sure if they sell these anymore—but if I were to ever go back to the habit, these are the ones I would smoke.
I had somewhere around 20 bucks in my pocket and a few cassette tapes to sink in the tape deck in the dashboard of my beat-up, blue, 1984 four-door Chevy Celebrity.
For as long as I can remember, I have Continue reading
From the Heart
I was asked if there was ever a day in my youth that I would live over again, exactly as it was, without changing a thing. And there a few moments that I wish I could have back, exactly as they were, without changing a thing. I save these moments in my mental rolodex and keep them in the folds of my memory, to hold them when I need to, and to relive in moments like now
I am thinking of an afternoon. It was Continue reading
