And when things go wrong, I get it.
It may seem like things will be this way forever but remember – forever is a really long time.
So breathe –
I know that sucks.
I know that I hated it when people would tell me this.
Breathe.
Really? Is that all you got?
Just breathe?
I am breathing.

By the way, what does that even mean?
Breathe. . .

I am going to ask you to pardon this entry while I allow for some honesty. I suppose no one really breaks down these kind of topics to us when we were kids. At least, I can say this is true for me.
No one ever taught me about romance. No one ever told me about the importance of life or how to be gentle or how to hold on to a minute because once that minute is gone, it’s gone forever!

I never had a son. Then again, The Old Man has been gone for so long that it almost seems as if I never had a Father either, which is untrue, of course. At the same time, The Old Man is only memory now. He is pieces of my past and little portions of my childhood memory which will surface from time to time.
I view these moments as special. However, and since there is no real back-and-forth or understandable way of communication with those who left this Earth, in fairness to myself, I suppose I had to learn things by myself.

Before we go forward with today’s exercise, I have to say that at this point . . .
I’m not even sure if this is from me to you anymore.
I’m not sure if this is me speaking to you from the heart or if this is me speaking to myself.
If anything, at worst, this is honest.
I know this is from the heart and yes, this is something I wished that someone else was brave enough to tell me. This way, I would know that I am not the only one.
I’m not alone.

Sure, I was just a kid. So, what did I know?
I knew plenty.
Sometimes I wonder if I knew more back then than I do now.
Who knows, maybe I did.
Maybe I had more energy. Maybe it was safer to be more hopeful.
Or, maybe I was less aware of time and how time runs out, which it does.

I am a fan of the discipline which states that there is nothing in front of us, but air and opportunity. I accept this motto as my own. I have come to the understanding that I have to honor this and keep this sacred, almost like a religious belief.
However, and wholeheartedly, I acknowledge the fact that intimidations are hidden in corners which seep through cracks that expose our weakest vulnerability and yes, I am aware of fear.
I am aware of doubts and insecurity and certainly, worst of all, I am aware of the ingredients of our distractions. I am aware of how we give up or give in to outside opinions and all else that would either disturb or disrupt our focus.

The word friend means a lot of things these days. And who knows?
Maybe it’s me. This could be true.
Maybe definitions change as time goes by. Or perhaps words take on new meanings, which is fine. No really, it is.
I think that everything we encounter in life will need to be reevaluated or updated.
But friends?
I suppose we look for different qualities. I doubt the things I looked for in my friends as a kid are all the same as what I look for in a friend now.

I need to switch gears for this one. And please, while beliefs may vary and opinions as well, I want this to come from the heart, from me to you.
I say this with all of my heart and humbly too because while I may be grown, or so people say, I am still just a kid.
(You know?)

I am a believer in the saying that if you don’t know, then you can’t know, which is okay.
No, really it is.
If you don’t know, then you just don’t know and that’s fine.
The last thing anyone should do is pretend as if you do know, which only proves them to be false, or fake, or any else, but authentic.

Where does the craziness start? When does it all begin? Is it the curiosity that gets to the kid?
Is it the angst? Is it the buzz? Is it the stories we hear about the parties that took place over the weekend? Is this the thing that leads us to wish that we were there?
Or, is it the feeling of being bad? Is it the adrenaline rush?
I think there could be an argument for all of the above.
Is it the attractiveness of being cool?
This is more like going faster than the speed of light and being twice as furious. Add this. Add the need for being noticed or included. Add the rage of a lightening bolt.
Is this it?