When you’re down at the bottom of your self-made hole and it feels like you’re flat on your back with no one around to help you up; there’s no place to turn and nowhere to run anymore because all of your old options either stopped working or the old remedies just keep you from feeling sick instead of feeling better —and when you are at the back-end of the outcomes and stuck in the wake of your aftermath and you find yourself wondering, “What the hell can I do now?” the only thing you can do is surrender to fact and accept your position. This doesn’t mean you’ve quit or that you give in. On the contrary, no, this just means you know who and where you are.
Way back when Mom was younger and shortly after The Old Man had passed away, Mom entered into a lawsuit against a man that she that she sold the family business to. Unfortunately, this sale ruined her finances. Unfortunately, the man in question had other problems such as he was under police investigation for several reasons. The man in question took Mom for everything she had. But her case was solid though and Mom’s attorney assured a win on both of two cases. One of which was a smaller, but yet still, a six-digit decent amount of money, which went to judgement and was never recovered. However, this was not the case that interested my Mother. The other case would have reimbursed her the money she lost, which was a big seven-digit loss.
The attorney assured Mom not to worry. The attorney was a woman, diligent, hard-working, and refusing to quit. She assured Mom this was all going to work out. And it might have. The problem was not with the case. No, the problem was with Mom’s attorney. In fairness, there was nothing wrong with the attorney’s work ethic. There was nothing wrong with the attorney’s legal ability in the courtroom. No, she was as tough as they come. She always checked in with Mom to make sure all was well. However, there was an underlying issue, which no one knew about.
The attorney had cancer. Somehow, the attorney thought she would find a way to beat the cancer on her own. She thought she could outsmart her sickness the same way she would outsmart a case in the courtroom. The attorney failed to accept the fact that she had cancer, that she needed help, and that she needed to tell someone about this. And then one day, Mom received a phone call. The case was so deep it would cost a lot of money to find another attorney; however, at the edge of bankruptcy, there was no money for something like this and no other attorney would take this on a contingency basis. Sad to say the phone call was to inform my mother that the attorney passed. No one knew the attorney had cancer. The woman thought she could beat it on her own. Unfortunately for all involved, the attorney was wrong.
Now, I wonder how this would have played out if the attorney accepted her position. I wonder what might have happened if she chose to accept the truth instead of deny this in her mind. I wonder what would have happened if she sought help. And I can’t say what the attorney was thinking.
In fairness, I never met her and I don’t even have a face to place to the name. All I have is a story of a talented, brilliant attorney who failed to accept where she was. Instead of surrendering to fact in order to improve; this woman fought this battle in the wrong direction.
One could argue, “Well, maybe she fought the only way she knew how,” or one could say, “Maybe she was a private person and too proud.” Either way, this is a moot point. The attorney passed and left behind others that depended on her. Some of them were family, others were friends, and some were clients, and one of the people who believed in and depended on her was my Mom.
I don’t know much about the attorney. I just know that if she sought help instead of fighting this on her own; two things might have happened. First and foremost, she might have lived to tell how she beat cancer once. Secondly, and as it relates to me, my mother wouldn’t have lost every penny she had . . .
See the thing about our acceptance (or lack thereof) is it affects others as well.
The Old Man used to tell me about his relationship with my older siblings, three of them, actually —and I never talk about them; I never mention them, and aside from the one who passed away —I really can’t say I know much about them. I remember The Old Man saying, “It comes to a point where you can only hurt so much.”
“What happened is what happened,” said The Old Man. “I can’t change it and it hurts, but after a while, I have to heal. Otherwise, I’ll just be in pain for the rest of my life.”
Over the years, I have endured loss. I have endured financial downfall. I went through divorce, which was not the hard part; however, being a divorced Dad is a tough thing. I don’t like the way things happen sometimes. And yes, life is certainly unfair at certain points and yes, this can be hurtful.
But like I mentioned in my first paragraph —at the bottom of my aftermath, the only way I can improve is if I accept my position for what it is. I don’t want to drown in my own denial or lose myself to fear and overly-emotional, inaccurate (cognitive) thought.
Our mind is often a liar. Out of fear, we look for the quick sweeps and escapes but in most cases, the easier softer way never seemed to be the one that worked.
What does it mean to accept?
To accept fact means to accept facts of the matter. This means to acknowledge it, admit it, feel it, and understand the situation at hand. This gives us permission to stop over-analyzing each detail with the “Maybe” questions or get caught up with that same old, “Iffy” mindset, which kept us held back, —because with acceptance comes awareness —which means after accepting all truths, we can now find a way out without listening to the internal lies we tell ourselves.
For example, I have unavoidable people in my life. I can’t change the fact that I am linked to them; however, upon my acceptance of this, I can find ways to determine and dictate how I choose to interact with them.
When accepting my position with depression; I chose to accept all of this. I surrendered to the fact that yes, I have this thing in my head, which often speaks out of turn and seldom tells me good things. But, once I accepted this as part of me, I was able to learn ways to defend myself and how to improve. And because I accept this in entirety, I am able to understand my triggers and the snags that set me off.
Without mistake, I have my own emotional cancers. However, I don’t want to be like Mom’s attorney and allow them to kill me. Instead, I would rather accept the true facts and not be swayed by my perception of fact. Instead falling a victim to things I cannot change, I reach out for help. I focus on my path towards wellness, and because of this, I am able to improve.
Life is not won by waiting or wishing for things to get better.
Don’t believe me?
Just ask Mom’s old attorney.
Oh, wait, you can’t ask her . . .
See what I mean?