I spent decades trying to perfect my personality, only to realize that I was perfect all along.
I spent so long trying to find myself. I wanted to find my place in the crowd and find where I fit.
I spent most of my life in disbelief.
I did not believe in me or you or us.
I found it hard to believe in anyone, but yet,
I still gave away my trust in circumstances
that were less deserving of my time.
I spent most of my life wondering what love is
Is it real?
Does love exist?
Is there something wrong with me?
I spent decades trying to perfect my character
so that I could be someone, with someone,
and find someone that I meshed with,
perfectly, identically, as if we were two pieces
that fit together.
I walked through a large portion of my life, unsure of my surroundings.
I was unsure of my interaction.
I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing.
I was not sure if I mattered
I spent far too long in the presence of the wrong crowd
doing the wrong things
with hopes to impress the wrong people.
I saw people as pieces to a game.
I saw them as individual investments
and wondered about my return;
or more accurately . . .
I wondered if there was a return.
Could there ever be one?
And when was it my turn?
When would it be me?
I spent most of my life watching people,
like a spectator;
watching the world go by,
watching what other people do
watching what they have and who they have,
and then wondering,
when is it going to be me?
For a long time, I followed.
For a long time,
I gave in to manipulation.
For too long,
I nodded and agreed instead of questioning
this is not the life I was looking for.
No . . . .
It was just the life I had.
I had what I call an awakening.
I had what I call a moment of awareness.
I had what I call a moment of clarity.
I had a vision.
I had a dream.
Call it what you will or call it what you want,
but whatever it was,
it was the time when I awoke.
The old me was gone and the new me was born.
This is when I decided to stand up and walk away.
I did not look back or shout back.
I did not interact at all.
No, I just stood up and walked away.
I stopped feeding the sickness.
I walked away and stopped nurturing the struggle.
I stood up and stepped away
And I never looked back.
I had to go through what I went through.
I had to see my downfall for myself.
I wouldn’t hear it from anyone else.
But one morning,
I looked around at the life I lived
and then I realized this is not the life for me.
I wondered where I went wrong.
I wondered why I found myself
at the same places
doing the same things
and suffering the same consequences.
Why does this happen to me?
For a long time, I thought this was all my fault.
But there is not fault.
I thought there was something wrong with me.
But there is no wrong.
There is only good, better and best.
I just didn’t know how to better myself.
Whatever you do,
do not allow yourself to be manipulated
by the crowd.
Whatever you choose to do,
do not choose to feed the critics.
Do not give in.
Do not quit and do not give up.
Do not nurture the doubt or the lies you tell yourself.
Instead, step away
For the first time, step towards the life you want.
Feel that feeling;
the one that reminds you of the rising sun.
Feel that thing you feel when you’ve won
Stand up now.
Stop asking about when and start talking about now.
For most of my life, I wondered when I would find myself.
I wondered when it would be my turn:
To be happy
To feel complete
To stand without worrying and live without questioning.
All it takes is one small change
because one small change has the ability
to alter the trajectory of your world
for the rest of your life.
You just have to mean it.
You just have to do it.
So do it because this is not about when.
This is about now.
This is when becomes NOW!