Note to self: (or to anyone else that relates)
We all have very main and basic needs. We need food and water. We need air to breathe. We need warmth and we need rest. These needs are physical. But we also have the need to be safe, which means to have shelter and security. Next are the needs of intimacy. We need a sense of belongingness. We need to have purpose. We need love. We need interaction and we need intimacy, which comes in different forms aside from just the obvious and the physical.
We need to have an identity. We need to know who we are. We have the need to be understood and a need to feel free in whichever way we choose to define it.
We have the need to be fulfilled. We have a need to achieve and a need to become. We have a need to feel comfortable within our own skin and to feel we matter.
Our physical needs are what the body needs to survive. All else is what the mind needs to thrive. But keep in mind, if the mind cannot thrive, the body fails.
Often times, we fear our needs will not be met. Often, we worry, which is natural because it is natural to be afraid of loss. It is normal to be afraid; although, for some reason, we run from our fears. We deny them like assign of weakness, which only feeds the fear like gas to a flame.
With regards to love and intimacy and in regards to interpersonal relationships, both business and pleasurable, we cannot force, coerce, or make something happen if it is not mutually possible. But we still try though, right? rather than lose, we invest more.
One of our natural fears is loss. Therefore, we try and we try harder. We invest and we invest more just so we won’t lose.
Yet, in the end, we find ourselves under water in bad business deals or in bad relationships. We over invest just so we don’t lose. But yet, we’ve already lost.
All that remains is ego, which refuses to accept loss. All that stands is the need to be right. All that remains is a business or a relationship we were too emotionally attached to by ego, which blinded us, so we kept on because we didn’t want to be wrong or lose more.
conversation in a class about something personal that happened to me. I was the
butt of someone’s cruelty. I found nails stuck in one of my car’s tire, which
could be written off; however, the same thing happened to one of my other cars.
Keep in mind; this happened in the loading dock of my jobsite.
Also, keep in mind; there is an angry disgruntled worker that has been known to do things like this. That’s right. He puts a nail in your tire so that when you drive away—the tire goes flat. Funny, right?
Hysterical, isn’t it?
Not so much . . .
At one point in my life, I would have looked for revenge,
I would have responded.
What does this do and how does this serve me?
Whether this was accurately intentional or purely coincidental, which it might be, I had to process this and act accordingly. I could not give in and yell. I did not go to security and ask to check the cameras. I just had the tires fixed. And then I went on about my day.
I cannot and will not personally invest in what happened because A) although, I do know this has intentionally happened before, I cannot say this was definitely intentional and B) I have so much more to think about in my life right now that investing in this man will only lead to more than a loss of $35 to fix my flat. I’m not saying I’m not mad. I’m just saying I’m not investing in it. I’m not feeding it. I have other things I need to feed and better things to invest in.
I cannot make people see, feel, act, or think the way I want them to. I can’t make someone like me or love me. I cannot invest in poor relationships because whenever I do, I find myself under water and losing more.
Ever put together a piece of furniture that comes with those wacky instructions. They give symbols and letter pieces A, or B, and C and D. Parts are lost or we find extra pieces that make no sense. I swear these projects are frustrating. The bigger projects can even be intimidating or overwhelming.
If you have done projects like this and if you are like me, sometimes you might have tried to fit the wrong piece in the wrong place. And maybe it goes together but it goes together with difficulty.
(Here comes the frustration because I just wanted the piece to be finished.)
After further realization, I realized the piece was mismatched and when the right pieces are placed together, they fit into one another without being forced.
Put simply, if I have to force it, maybe it’s not supposed to go.
The same goes with life and the needs we have. If we have to force ourselves upon someone or if we need to force ourselves to fit in someplace or to make something work—maybe the reason why the fit doesn’t feel right is because it isn’t.
We just want the life to be as we need it; hence we try and we try harder. Meanwhile, if we just stepped back and recognized the fit was not matched properly; if we invested our time properly, we could find a life that would fit properly
This is the sunk cost fallacy as it relates to life on life’s terms.
So invest wisely.
Trust me . . .
it saves on frustration
Plus, you’re worth it!