I used to fight a lot. I used to argue. I used to complain a lot too but nothing changed. I used to shake my fist at the sky and cursed and spit.
I fought with people. I fought over places and things. Most of all, I fought with myself.
I fought with me about me, in which, I mean I fought to be heard and to be justified. I fought because I swore if I didn’t fight, I would go down and lose control.
I fought to gain control but this is when I had the least control. Eventually, I lost sight of what the fight was for. After a while, I fought for so long, I had no idea how to retreat. I had no idea who my enemy was or what they looked like. I had no idea that in many cases, my enemy was me.
Surrender to win.
I was tired. I was tired of feeling beaten or angry. I was tired of the failure in my relationships. I was tired of losing or perhaps, more accurately, I was tired of “Believing” I was “Losing.”I had no idea that the dilemma was my perception.
I was tired of trying to “Fix” or “Repair” the situations in my life that were beyond my control.
Most of all, I was tired of me.
I was tired of feeling the same way but always wanting to improve.
Surrender to win.
Nothing was changing. Nothing was working, but yet, I kept trying and kept looking for the angle.
I knew what was within my control; however, I was influenced by the circumstances that were beyond my control.
I didn’t know how to detach myself. I didn’t know how to change the circumstances that were imposed upon me, nor did I understand the term unchangeable.
This touches every aspect of life. A diction, friendships, family depression, and life on life’s terms are touched here as well.
I used to try and fight this. I used to fight to change things beyond my control.
As a result, I found myself beaten. I was tired. I was emotional. I was unsatisfied, unhappy, uncomfortable, and unaware how counterproductive my fighting had become.
Surrender to win
I was told to surrender. I was told to learn how to “Accept” the things I “Cannot” change and try and find the “Courage” to change the things I “Can.”
I was told to give up, which was foreign. How do I give up control? How do I accept my discomforts? Or better yet, how do I accept the difficulties in my interpersonal relationships? How do I make changes and create new outcomes instead of fighting the same old fight and suffering the same old scars?
I was unsure if this was possible. I was also unclear on how this took my attention away from me and the tasks at hand. I was so focused on the unchangeable; I forgot to notice the aspects that are, in fact changeable, and within my control.
Surrender to win
But what does that mean. To surrender: to give in, to give way; to voluntarily abandon or to give oneself up to the quality of an emotion or instance.
How does this make sense?
To surrender: to come to the understanding that a situation or circumstance is far beyond my control, unchangeable or unfixable.
To allow this to be; to accept, to realize that which is otherwise unchangeable, and therefore, to find my own method of clarity; to give in and let it be so I can go one and move forward. This is what it means to surrender to win.
I had to give up my control and accept what I cannot control. To surrender to win, I learned to conserve my energy rather than waste it on unchangeable things.
I learned to regain my strength. I learned to improve my vision of self-worth by practicing a better, self-serving way that although selfish; in return, this allowed me to improve and be more giving.
I learned that when I am unhealthy or lost to a fight that I cannot win, I become weak and if I become weak then all that depends on me becomes questioned as well. All I can do is be me, consistently and persistently. All else is beyond my control.
I like to simplify things this way:
I learned about the parts of a tree a long time ago. In order for the tree to grow, one part of the tree that cannot be compromised (or weak) is the roots.
The roots need to be strong and steady; otherwise, the tree will topple—and if the tree topples, all that depend on its limbs—or should I say, all that seem to depend on the tree limbs will topple and fall and suffer as well.
I learned that I am now and always will be the square root to my own equation. I have shared this with you before. Perhaps, you might remember.
Therefore, this means that I must care for my roots. Therefore, all that which depends upon me can rest assured that I, myself, am stable.
However, not everything depends upon me.
Charlie Wardle wrote in Understanding and Building Confidence, “A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.”
This means I don’t have to worry or assume responsibility for the birds or their wings. Therefore, I am not responsible for anything other than my own equipment.
In which case, by surrendering to win, I learned to devote my energy and attention to better purposes—namely me and the stability of my roots. This way, I can stand strong instead of feel weak.
I cannot change things beyond my control. By surrendering to win; this means I have given up on unchangeable facts and zeroed my focus on the things I can change for the better.
By surrendering to win, I allowed myself the energy and focus to see life in a different light and a new perspective. This opened my eyes to new possibilities and new opportunities that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.
To surrender; to give up, to end the fight and call truce so that at last; I can grow and be happy.
Surrender to win.
Trust me, it’s not such a bad idea