Farewell Assumptions

I have been thinking about the ideas of ours. I was thinking about the assumptions we have, which to assume, means to take on, to own or invest in. To assume something is to take for granted or come to an opinion without fact.

I think we assume too often. I think our assumptions are biased, which leads us to biased beliefs. I think we attach to certain dogmas of thinking that prevent us from thinking freely or differently; therefore, we remain stuck in our assumptions and our opinions.

I used to assume the opinions of others. I think about the times I never dared to introduce myself to people because I just assumed they weren’t interested. I just assumed we wouldn’t click.

Assumptions based on insecurity rob us from thinking freely and living happily.  Take for example, the advice we hear if we assume we’ll enjoy something or not.
“You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

I have been living the last three years on the outside of my comfort zone. Even this idea I have now, and me, writing it. Although, I write on a daily basis as an exercise to grow on a daily basis, —there is still discomfort. I still have fear. But yet, again, this is art.
Art is from the heart and soul. No flowering, no decoration, just truth and emotion bled out in whichever form the artist chooses.

I had a dream last night about my old bedroom. I was a child in this room. I went through my younger years in this place. I thought about my time at a place I called 277 Merrick Avenue.
I thought about my belief system back then and my perception of me as well as other people. I was trained here. This is where my biases come from. This is where my trained ideas were born. I slept in the upstairs bedroom. I was up the stairs and to the left. I remember the door as it was. I remember the room as it was and the little compartments where I hid my tiny childhood secrets, of which, only I knew about.

I remember my last time standing in my old bedroom. I was closing in on my 19^th birthday. Mom was moving to Florida. My brother was about to embark on a new life and be newly married. And me, I was stuck in the constant question of, “What do I want to do with my life?”

I stayed away from school because I just assumed schooling wasn’t my thing. I stayed away from a lot of my dreams because I assumed my dreams were too far beyond my reach.
I never assumed that I could be this, who I am now, as an adult and interacting at a level beyond my wildest expectations. Even if I have far to go, which I do, I’m still in the pocket, playing the game and giving it my all, which is something I would never do before.
I never assumed I would make a difference. Instead, I remained in my trained assumption that who I was at the time was the best I would ever be.

I never assumed I could improve.
Does anyone really know who they’ll improve to become?

Also, I never assumed anyone would listen. at least, not to me. I never assumed anyone would read a word of anything I wrote. I just assumed I was lost. I assumed others saw me the way I saw myself, which was awkward and uncomfortable. I never knew what you saw or what your what you believed about me.
I just knew about my assumptions, which limited me from getting to know about you and other people as well.
I thought I was a lost soul and that I was meant to wander, and that try as I might, I assumed my abilities were limited because my assumptions limited me to assume that this was the best life could be.

So many of us question ourselves, but why? Where does our internal criticism come from? Is this something we were taught? And if this is so, then who taught us to be so critical?

I had this dream about my old bedroom. I saw me standing there, exactly as I was, the last time I closed the light and shut the door behind me.
I think about who I was then and the life I assumed I would have.  Suffice to say, none of my predictions were correct.
I am nothing like the person I expected to be. I am not working the jobs I thought I would be. In fact, I am working on things I never thought would be possible.

Now, in fairness, I still have some ghosts from my past, which linger and speak to me every now and again. I still have old feelings that act up like an old wound during stormy weather.

In any case, if I stuck with the limitations of my assumptions, I doubt I would have ever done or tried anything new. Instead, I would have lived a stagnant life, mundane, and pointless.

Currently, outside my comfort zone, I am approaching another angle and trying to improve my chances of pulling off my trick. Mind you, the trick I’m looking to pull is more complex than say, “Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.”

Nothing up my sleeves and with nothing on my head, watch me as I make the old dogmas disappear, and just like that, we can be free.

Not all assumptions or wrong, by the way. Take us, for example. I assume you and me are supposed to be this way, connected like this, for a reason.
I assume we are the way we are together because to us, we know what it’s like to want to live and not want the life we had.

And it’s true, outside my comfort zone is certainly uncomfortable. But it’s like jumping in a pool when the water is way too cold. Sure, the shock of it all is tough at first. But you get used to it.

You can’t assume what the water feels like.

Sometimes, . . . . you just have to jump in.