Personal Recovery

There is a science to us all. There is a science to the way we live and the way we think and act. There is a science to how we do everything.
There’s a science to the way we interact and a science to the reasons we reach out to certain types of people.
Everyone has a personal science, which is behind everything we do. This comes from our background and our surroundings. Our science is born from our genetics and our social influence. This also comes from our chemistry. In fact, there used to be a billboard that said, “Depression:is a flaw in chemistry not character.”

This is science too. There are some that say depression is a disease. There are others that claim depression is a disorder or a dysphoria. 

There are people that say the words, “Diseased thinking,” or claim things as a disease to simply allow themselves an understanding or make sense of ideas, which they have due to underlying circumstances.
Many throw the word disease around without knowing what the word actually means. Almost everyone knows what the word disease means to them. However, the actual definition of disease is an abnormal condition or an incorrect functioning part due to genetic developmental errors or infections, poisons, nutritional deficiencies, or imbalance, toxicity, or illness, sickness or ailment. 

When all goes wrong in life, one could argue that all of the above seem to fit. It can be understood when someone is sick from cancer. However, what if we are talking about people and their behavior? What if people are sick from their reactions to their personal self to the point that yes, they wonder if this is a problem with their nature? Is this what a disease is?

Disorder is a lack of order, or confusion; it’s an irregularity. Disorder is a disturbance in mental health or personal functions or a dysfunction. And then there is dysphoria, which is a state of dissatisfaction or restlessness and anxiety. 

There is talk about this as if there is something abnormal, when, in fact, some of our so-called diseased thinking or disorders and dysphoria are problematic and natural due to the influence of our private world.

There is a misunderstood phenomenon called life. Depression makes sense to some. In fact, depression is the most common form of mental illness, in which beneath this umbrella is anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, substance and alcohol abuse disorders. These are all symptoms that are stressor-based. There is a difference between a clinical disease, which can be clinically proven and the diseases we give ourselves to explain or understand our feelings and behavior that come as a result of life’s terms.

We are a map of our past. Put simply, our brain is a constant recording of our past, present and predictive and assumed future.
This is our science.
This is why we react the way we do. This is where our opinions come from. This is where we’ve learned our lessons and we store our regrets. This is where fears are born.
More accurately, this is the thought machine. This is where we jump to conclusions and why we have our basic little crutches that can either be behavioral or dependence related. 

Ever wonder why people smoke cigarettes?
Where is the long term benefit in this?
Ever see someone that smokes and wishes they can quit?
Why do people pick up smoking in the first place?
Was this enjoyable in the beginning?
Was chewing tobacco enjoyable?
Why is coffee such a habit when drinks like coffee and alcohol are usually an acquired taste, but yet, we push through and teach ourselves to enjoy it?

There is a science behind this too. There is a science behind our eating habits, especially when we are overweight, and yet, we struggle to change our diet to become our more desirable selves.
Where does this come from?
This comes from disordered ideas. This comes from dysphoria and discomfort. This comes from a  connection in our thinking that directs us to an idea or an association of comfort. This is all the mind wants: Comfort.
That’s it.
This is our science. Our science is to maintain a form of homeostasis; however, whenever there is a threat or even an assumed threat to our personal balance, we act or react to the disturbance.

As someone that has lived with depression throughout my entire life, I compare my thinking to a grain of sand in the shell of an oyster.
The grain is a discomfort that no one else can see and no one else can feel but me.
Meanwhile, it looks to me as though everyone is comfortable. Everyone is going on about their life and all the while, I have the tiny little itch in my thinking that no matter how I try, I can’t reach to scratch it.
I say depression is a thief. If unaddressed, depression robs one of the ability to enjoy or live in the moment. Depression is a theft of personal service that takes away the ability to see the vividness of life. It mutes the beautiful sound of laughter and dulls the shade of life’s most wonderful colors.

Still, there is a science to this. There are ways to improve. First and foremost, there are ways to adjust our behaviors and our responses.
There are ways to soften the internal abrasiveness and solve the constant questioning, which otherwise teaches us that we are somehow, in fact, abnormal. 

The flaw in our chemistry can be addressed; however, the belief in our ideas need to be reassigned to make recovery possible.
This is the toughest part. If one cannot believe in recovery then recovery will continue to remain seemingly and distantly impossible. 

Change our science and we change our lives.

How can anyone be happy when living in unhappy or abusive conditions? How can recovery be possible, in any shape, or form, if there is no change to our situation or circumstance?
More importantly, why is it we call our thoughts “Diseased” when the truth is our thoughts are only responding to an instance or discomfort?

It is hard for one to see themselves as anything other than the way they see themselves. This is certainly true for the oyster because while pearls are one of the beauties of the sea, to the oyster, it’s just an internal irritant that would never go away.

I never saw myself as beautiful or useful because my depressive ideas taught me otherwise. In order for me to change; I had to learn new lessons. I had to learn ways to create physiological changes in order to improve my system. Had I never done this then perhaps, yes, I would still believe I was this different structure in the world with an unseen, internal irritation that would never go away.

This was not a flaw in my character. This was a flaw in my chemistry. This was my science before I learned to make changes and prove to myself that above all things; recovery is always possible as long as I do the work to achieve it.