I was thinking of a song last night. I thought about the intro of a bluesy riff that began with the words, “I am an old woman named after my mother. My old man was another child that’s grown old.”
Then I thought about the next line which is, “If dreams were thunder, lightning was desire, this old house would have burned down a long time ago.”
I thought about this and the idea of the person I was, the person I wanted to be, and the person I am now. I thought about the proof of life, which is seen in the wrinkles on my face and the scars on my hands. This is not to say that I am old but this is not to say that I am young either.
I am older now and less mature in some ways. I am more mature in others. I thought about this on a walk of mine last evening. The air was thick and humid. The temperature was high and moments after I arrived home, the sky opened up and the rain poured down like an angry sign from the heavens.
There are times when my thoughts and feelings match the weather. Take last night, for example. The weather was too hot. Eventually, a storm was set to come to break the heat and ease the tension.
In the interim, the storm hit hard enough to show the intensity and what happens when the heat grows to angry. That’s life sometimes.
I am me now, named after my Grandfather. I never met him though. I am the son of my Father. He was a man that worked with his hands the same as I do.
If my dreams were thunder and lightning was desire, my whole world would have been different a long time ago.
I know that who I am now and where I’ve been is reason enough to know there is truth to the idea of purpose. I know that I have this thing in me that draws me towards hope. I know that I have reason. I know that my Mother would know what to say in times like this. She would know what to say when my mind was as crazy as the weather was about to be,
There is an inaccurate idea that says we cannot recreate ourselves as we grow older. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Well, I’m not an old dog and I may not be an young puppy either but I know that I am not out of dreams, which means I am not out of thunder. I am not out of desire which means I am not out of lightning either. This means my whole world can be different anytime I choose.
Life is always on the horizon. In a short moment, I will be moving around and heading over a bridge when the sun moves to take its place in the sky. The City awaits me, as does the rest of my life on a daily basis.
I have been thinking about the ideas of a new beginning, which in fact would leave behind the remnants of my old past. This means I have a plan to recreate myself and recreate my dreams as well as my desire.
I have a new trick I’ve been working on, which prevents me from ever growing old. I like this trick.
This will be my secret to stay young. If you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, then I’ll just keep teaching me new tricks on a daily basis. I’ll do this so I don’t burn down like an old house or fade away or allow myself the sad reflections of becoming old without ever reaching for the sky.
Life is on the horizon now. This means I can’t look away. This means there is truth to something I was saying the other day when I referred to a quote from Socrates. “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.”
I love these quiet moments of introspection before the sunrise. They help me think and realize that truth of the matter, which is I have more in the gas tank. And it’s time to go.