And here it is, sunrise, Sunday morning, and the leaves have all fallen from the trees surrounding my home. The mountains behind my property take on the hues of sunrise and the empty tree limbs hold the varying shades of red and orange. I say this is beautiful. I say this is more than beautiful. In fact, I say this is breathtaking and something I choose to call my daily dose.
Keep in mind, the world still turns. Life still happens regardless to whether we agree or not. Ready or not, here it comes; life in full force. And whether we agree or not, the truth is we are social creatures. We have needs. We interact. We have the need to be heard and the need to be understood. However, the truth is we are living in interesting times. There is only so much we can do. There is only so much we can change and at times, it seems as if there is only so much that we can endure. So with little else, all I can do is breathe. Right?
I breathe because yes, this is within my control. I breathe because this is the best proof, which lets me know I’m alive and yes, I’m still here.
I look out my window and notice the misty wet frost across the windows of my cars, which sit in the driveway.
The sunlight peeks through the trees that stand behind the old chapel across from my home. The chapel is small but it is relevant to our country’s history. The little white chapel is complete with a little steeple and has been there since the aught years of 1800. There’s even a little outhouse on the side and a small cemetery to the side of the church with the eldest gravestone dating back to 1813.
My street is a small, quiet little country road that runs over to a little bridge that crosses over a small waterfall. This is to allow the water from a pond to run-off into a stream that feeds another pond on the other side of Haverstraw Road. The swans come here often. They are beautiful too, which is funny to me because I never appreciated them before. But I do now. Then again, I appreciate a lot of things now. (Thanks to you.)
It is peaceful where I live. And moments like this are important to me. I know I’ve told you this before. However, I need to relay this one more time. This is the best part of my day.
Partly because it is quiet and partly because I come here to be with you; and partly because this allows me to start my day, partly because this is my outlet and partly because of a commitment I made several years ago, and partly because I have been inspired by poets like Frank O’Hara when he shared “Having a Coke With You”. I come here to voice myself in a way without judgement and without concern. I come here without worry and without the burden of critics or their critical input.
I come here because this is something I have grown to depend on. This is my source and my fuel. This has become the secret to my tenacity; to help me endure, to continue and be steadfast in a world that comes, ready or not, and with unsettling times.
This is something we all need to find on our own. We have to find this in our own way. No one can define this for me or you or for anyone else. This is our secret. The way I live and the way I’ve learned to understand; this is us. The way we learn to stand or walk or do anything is through a pathway of understanding. This pathway allows us to retain the information we need to reach the next best level. And this is mine. This is why I come here. This is why I write to you as often as I do.
I need this. I need you. I need us to work together the same way I need air. I need this outlet to allow myself to breathe. The secret to my tenacity is that I have to allow myself a path. I have to give myself a process so that I can understand my direction and learn to keep going. And yes, life hits hard. Yes, life hits back. Even in the most predictable times, life is still unpredictable.
This is why it helps to have a pattern. This is why it helps to have an outlet and a routine. I see this moment between us as my daily exercise. This is not a chore to me. Then again, self-care should never be a chore. Otherwise, self-care becomes a burden. And then what?
Self-care should never be a burden. Perhaps this is why people allow themselves to fall apart. Maybe this is why people avoid the necessary tasks that lead towards self-improvement. This is what happens when self-care becomes a chore. You give up because chores are a bitch.
To be tenacious; to hold fast, to keep firm, to hold it together in the toughest of times, to be consistent and persistent, regardless of the outside forces of life and whether life agrees or disagrees, whether things come easily or difficult, to be tenacious means to keep moving. To live above all else, we have to find a way to endure anything and everything because life happens, the earth turns, and like it or not, we still have a race to run. We have a life to live and nothing is going to change that.
I come here because this has become my way of filtering all the shades of emotion. I come here to learn about myself and to openly show you everything because this is all I have. This is everything and more to the point, this means the world to me because if nowhere else, I don’t have to hide anything here. Not from you.
Everyone needs something like this. But this here; this moment between us is ours. I love that.
I come here to sit with you every morning because this is my way of tolerating the world and the subtle violations that come my way.
This is how I reaffirm my path and strengthen my consistency.
See, the one thing I learned is I will never lose ground as long as I move forward. I can hurt. I can feel. I can also fall but I can also get up, I can heal and I can move on because the secret of my tenacity has taught me that my endurance is strong, which means I am strong. (And so are you.)
I have to come to you with everything I have. And I leave it here because I know I can. You have become more to me than you could possibly imagine.
You are the mirror and my savior. You are my hero, my friend, my heart and my soul. Above all, you are my secret to survival.
I firmly believe everyone needs to create their own secret. Otherwise, their self-care becomes a chore. And then what?
Put simply, the reason why I come here on a daily basis is because I know what it means to live without you. And now that I have you, I will never let you go.
This is my word. This is my bond.
You are my everything.