The Uneasy Memories

We were younger once. We were young and unafraid. Remember? We were the kids from the town. We all knew each other. We knew the stories and the places where the stories began. I look back and laugh sometimes.
I see pictures from our youth. However, I am seldom in photos. I don’t know why this is but nevertheless, this is true. There aren’t many photos of me from when I was younger. Yet still, there are times when I come across pictures from when we were kids.
I can almost smell the smells and hear the songs. And the songs were everything. Perhaps I have said this before but the songs and the music we listened to were like matching anthems, each with their own spirit of revolution and independence and each with their own mood. 

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Boat Trips

I want to feel the wind on my face…
I want to smell the salty air of the sea, way out beyond the world and far beyond the manmade products that fade in the distance. I want to set my course to head out beyond the concepts that keep us connected to our daily technologies. I want to disconnect from the common tragedies and be free from the rat-race and the mazes we’ve been trained to run through.
I dream of this.
I dream of me behind the wheel in a wheelhouse in this vessel I call my fantasy. My boat is not the newest in the marina. She is older and matured. She has seen her time and lived through her day but above all things, she is trusty. She is sturdy. And she is mine.

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Just a Note to Self for Those Who Need It

James Cagney once offered an actor some advice on how to handle the pressures of stardom when stardom comes along. He said, “Start with one thing, that they need you. Without you, they have an empty screen. So, when you go down there, just do what you think is right and stay with it. From that point on you’re on your own.” I love this. I watched this interview several times but for some reason, the interview struck me differently this time. I heard this and I thought about you. I thought about you and your life. I thought about the life you face and the fears which hold you back. More accurately, I thought about how unaware you are of the meaning behind your presence and the absolute value of your worth.

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To Understand

There are things in life that we all understand. We understand the difference between sunshine and rain. We understand the difference between daylight and nighttime. We understand what it means to lift something that weighs 5lbs as opposed to something that weighs 50lbs. We understand the sensation of touch and taste, sights and smell. These things make sense to us. Intellectually, we understand why time flies when we’re having fun or how it drags when we’re stuck in a place where we’d rather not be.

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The Relapse

So there is an ever popular question, which people ask all the time. And the question is “Why?” 
As in, if you got out and got away from the bad life, why would you ever go back to the poison that almost killed you?

I’ve heard people say, “You were doing so well,” or they’ll say “But you had so much potential,” and they say this with a sad, tragic expression on their face as if to express pity or as if I or you or we the diseased minded, sickly and weak have somehow fulfilled the supposed label of being a letdown and mentally ill.

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‘Tis The Season

There are times of year which people favor more than others. There are times when the autumn winds begin to change from warm to cool. The leaves change color and then fall to the ground to leave the branches empty. There are times when seasons affect us in different ways. Some have a hard time when the seasons move towards the holiday time and some people find this triggers a sad way of thinking. There is a term for this. Then again, there is a term for everything nowadays. And I’m not much for labels however, the one thing this can affirm is we are not as lonely as our thoughts may imply.

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You Asked If I Pray

If asked if I believe then I would say yes, I do believe in something. I believe there is something out there. Maybe it’s just energy. Maybe what I believe in is a balance to the unbalanced life we live. Maybe it’s just a need to have something on my side, or maybe this is me talking to myself, which is something that I do often. But again, if asked do I believe in prayers then my answer is yes, I do believe in the power of prayer. This is not so much about my belief in God or the lack thereof. It is not even about religion, let alone an organized religion, or about a man or woman who stands on an altar or at a podium and tells me what to say or how and when. 

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A New Entry from “A Little From The Abstract”

There are times when we can feel something coming. We don’t know what it is or what it will be but either way, we can feel something coming. Maybe it’s a change. Maybe it’s a change for the better. Or maybe it’s an end to a chapter that needs to close, yet, we’re still in the middle and we’re not ready to finalize anything. Maybe it’s just a mood. Or maybe it is a predicament of the mind. Maybe this is why we think or feel this way. Maybe it’s the stress levels of the surrounding atmosphere that begins to over-pressurize this capsule, which we call our life.
I want to breathe, we say. And we want the weight to go away. Or in exchange, I can spell the word differently to take on an entirely different meaning and say “we want the wait to go away.” But either way, the word pertains to a sense of heaviness. In which case, either meaning can still mean the same thing.

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California Dreams: Imperial Beach, S.D.

There were mornings there in which I swore were nothing like any mornings I had ever seen before. The sea and the sunrise look different on the West coast as opposed to the East. The grayness of morning and the silvery mist atop the blue Pacific and the rumble sounds of the waves crashing in and then hissing after the collapse to return to sea was how I’d see the mornings. This, by the way, is how the Earth breathes. The ocean swells and the waves rise and fall like the chest of the body as it inhales and breathes out.

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