Going Forward

There was a great chapter in a book I read back when The Old Man was passing away. The book was something I picked up from The Old Man’s bedside at the hospital. He was reading this before his heart took a turn for the worst. I remember this book, which I’ve read again, a few times since. I remember him too, The Old Man, I mean. 
There is something so strange about understanding the end and the finality of life. I cannot quite explain this any other way than this: Death is so final. And yet, there was something more to this moment. I had “A time,” is all I can say. I had a time with my Father before he passed. I had a moment, in which we shared a few thoughts and ideas. 
Of course there was sadness. But there were victories here as well. We had the chance to say things we never said before. More importantly, I had the chance to hear something I had seldom heard before. 

In fact, one of the last coherent and understandable things The Old Man said to me is “I’m proud of you.” 
Think about this for a second.
Think about the value of these words. Think about how often we take simple ideas and words for granted. There are times when we leave things unsaid because we assume the understandings are a given. However, and oftentimes, nothing is ever so given. There are different minds that see life differently. No two people are ever exactly alike. Similar, yes. But to be identical or completely alike is not possible. Often, things are left unsaid or undone. And sometimes we say things like, “I just assumed you knew,” which leads me to believe that assumptions are not always true.

I never want to leave anything unsaid. Perhaps I say this because I’ve left so many things unsaid and undone to the point where I have found a new belief. The most successful in the world are those that have said what they’ve needed to say and done what they’ve needed to do. Money has nothing to do with this. Job titles, roles, fame, none of this means anything in the end.

Unfortunately, time is always moving and the past is always unalterable. There is no way to change yesterday. There is only improving now in which case, perhaps tomorrow can be a better option. 
I like this idea.
I often think of the Sanskrit poem that tells us to “Look well upon this day for it is life.”
I often find myself looking in too many directions at once. I find myself in the future and in the past, worrying about them both; only to create a sense of uncontrollable anxiety that punishes me for not living in the present.

I was once told, “Man cannot serve two masters.”
Of course, I was told this for much different reasons. However, I can see how me trying to serve too many people (aside from myself) has led me towards emotional downfalls. I can see where my priorities have misled me in the past.
I was once told “Let today be sufficient for itself.”
I was told “Tomorrow will come with its own problems.”
I was told to “Keep it in the now.”

I admit to my fears. I admit there are times when my mind runs away from me like a crazy child in a department store. I do not hide from this. I do not see my fears as a weakness anymore. Although, the truth is I used to be afraid of my fears. I used to be afraid of everything but not so much anymore.
I was afraid of my fears because I believed they were my weakness. But no, fear is just a need to be safe. And there’s nothing wrong with needing to be safe. Being safe is being smart. It’s good to have fear. Otherwise, we would find ourselves destroyed behind an uneducated sense of false bravery.
There is nothing wrong with being cautious or careful. In fact, this makes sense. However, one fact does remain true in this life. No risk often means no reward. So learn to be comfortable when facing uncomfortable situations.
Grow. Give. Push. Do. And be!
Tomorrow is going to come with its own list of stressors. Next week will be next week and last week is gone. All that we have is now, which we know and we’ve always known this. 

Look to this Day,
for it is Life – the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the verities
and realities of your existence:
the Bliss of Growth,
the Glory of Action,
the Splendor of Beauty.
For yesterday is already a dream
and tomorrow is only a vision;
but today, well-lived,
makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this Day.
Such is the salutation of the Dawn.

~ by Kalidasa, Indian Sanksrit Playwright and Poet, Hindu Philosopher, 4 – 5th century A.D. (One of several translations from the original Sanksrit.

I like this idea a lot.
I think I’ll keep it.

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