And the way the wind blows, it changes, right?
The winds change and so does the weather,
so does the time,
and so do the fashions, the music,
the shows we watch and the foods we eat.
Life is a constant page turner.
I know this now.
Sometimes we read the writing on the wall
and other times
we get lazy or comfortable
and we skip a few pages thinking,
“I’ll just figure it out as I go along.”
One day does not have to impact the next
yet it does.
Then again, one person does not have to affect another
yet I know we do.
It would be inaccurate of me to say that what I say
or what you do
has no affect or impact upon my day.
I know there are people who swear
I don’t care
yet, we all care
My guess is sometimes
we wished we didn’t care so much because
it’d all be easier that way.
Right?
I am trying to understand more as I go along
and the more I try, the more I learn –
I don’t understand half as much as I thought I did;
about people, about me,
about the world in general, or about how things work
about how to use spreadsheets
or hell, how do I even make one?
I don’t know much about religion or politics
which, of course, politics has become the new religion;
therefore, it’s not which God you pray to,
it’s become which god did you vote for.
Therefore, depending on your gods
or gods of choice
this determines
whether people can be friends
or get along or not.
And do you know what?
I really don’t like this
or what I see
And do you know what else?
It seems lonely,
but not too many people “get me” which is okay
which doesn’t mean we have to go to war
which is also fine because the few people who do
(get me, I mean, like you, of course)
nothing else matters unless I make it matter.
And here lies the problem –
We make the meaningless meaningful
we consider the irrational
to be a real possibility
and we work up these plans in our head
which do nothing else
but inevitably put us in a tail spin
“Whatever floats your boat,” right?
Well, as for the nonsense and
the nonsense that we throw at one another:
To this I say,
What ever floats your boat; I get it
but this nonsense needs to stop –
either that or sail on
because this is really starting to sink my ship
I think about the breath I’d save
if I learned to keep my mouth shut
or the energy I could put to use
if I stopped arguing
or the time I’d have if I learned that arguing is pointless.
There’s only so much time on the clock
and only so many minutes
in which we have only so much time
to get things in.
I wonder though –
I wonder about fear or worry
and the fringes of anxiety.
I wonder what life would be like
if all of the irrationals;
all the built up anticipations
and all the unnecessary predictions
or unhelpful projections were to simply disappear.
I wonder what life would be like
or how much room I’d have
if I were to be rid of
insecurity or the countless worries
about failure, or about losing you
or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
or the right thing at the right time.
Or even better,
I wonder how much freedom we’d have
if we stopped overthinking conversations,
which have already passed and then instead,
rather than relive what happened,
we’d become forward-facing and forward thinking
and we could face the day
without fear or without the constant worry of rejection
or the idea that something’s wrong.
There is something called contributory negligence.
Of course, this is a legal term
This is when the plaintiff failed to act safely
or contributed to the factors of their loss
and when I say contributory negligence,
I mean I wonder how many times
we’ve contributed to our own downfalls
or injuries as well as suffering or pain.
Imagine if we learned how to stay out of our own way?
Imagine if we could push a button
and stop the thought machine from spinning out of control.
Imagine if we could just say the word “STOP!”
out loud and just like that
the mind would obey like a child that went too crazy
I say the word STOP! all the time,
especially when I feel the anxiety come on.
I try to stop this before it grows or goes out of control
because once this happens;
I can’t do anything until the ride ends
Or, worse
I can lose the opportunity to laugh or smile
or, in the simplest terms,
I can miss out on enjoying the day.
STOP!
It’s a good word
It’s a directional term that tells us
Hey, you don’t have to go there.
STOP!
and let yourself go a different way.
But sometimes . . .
We lose our minds
We fly off the handle or
We spin out of control
Imagine if we could push a button
or just say STOP!
and just like that, it all goes away.
I’m not a machine and neither are you and yes,
I know this is awkward and yes, I know there are feelings involved
And I get it.
The idea of counteracting the actions in our head
seems like an unthinkable chore, and yes –
maybe it seems stupid of silly
or maybe it seems like a waste of time
to say STOP! out loud so we can get a grip
But I’ll tell ya this much – as silly as it is
everything else is only a waste of time and energy,
right?
So might as well try it –
STOP!
Now, can we please proceed with the morning?
There’s too many good things that can happen
(if we let them).
The Written Addiction 