I am, in essence,
or essentially, I am this –
I am working and growing yet I am looking back
over my shoulder now (of course)
because the symptoms
are still in my rearview mirror.
The sea is the place for me.
No, wait –
I have dreams of mountaintops too
and daydreams of places I’ve never seen before.
But maybe . . .
. . . someday
1)
I have spent years of my life,
wondering about what I can be
who I will be, what am I
or who do I want to be –
What is this?
Normal?
Curious . . .
Common?
This is a fight you can’t see and yet
everybody knows.
Everyone knows what’s going on.
Everybody hears.
Everybody sees.
If I am to find myself,
then I will have to search in places
which I have never seen
nor ever dared to look.
1)
There is an ongoing idea that stems from my youth
which is still as true now as it was to me then.
I have always been this – me
This was my first time . . .
I was hired for a special police initiative
Rather than arrest, process and jail,
they hired someone like me – a specialist –
to direct the person to treatment
to offer help or hope instead of going back
to more of the same.
Life can be like looking down the barrel of a gun
sometimes . . .
the villain is bearing down,
looking to take the shot.
1)
More than my fascination for the twilight
and more than my appreciation
for the nighttime sky above Manhattan
and more than how I dig the moon
when it hovers above us and shines over the Hudson,
or when in mid- summer,
maybe late July or close to August,
when the days are long and the nights are hot
in more ways than one;
I recognize this as a limited window of time.
1)
My guess is this –
It’s safe to say that my journey began a long, long time ago.
Or, perhaps I should say it this way –
A long time ago, in a lifetime, far, far away; a great story took place.
And me, I am this story.
I was living in a time of youth and confusion.
I was swept up in the different ideas of truth and distraction.
I was in the middle of misunderstandings.
Safe to say that I was searching.
I was looking for life or what it means to be real and alive.
Somewhere in the mix of life and music,
I found myself in the center of my rebellions.
I was in the middle of commotion.
I figure here is as good a place as any. Today, right now.
I figure I can end this one here with you and leave it at this because today is a celebration.
Today’s an acknowledgement. It’s a day of achievement, yet today is a heavy memory as well.
Now is a good time to find another topic. Now is a good time to start another chapter which is something I’ve been doing consistently for a very long time.
My hopes are to move above and beyond myself. I have told you so much about my life and myself. To be clear, without you or this place and without this stage or platform, I really don’t know where I would be.
The Written Addiction 