Charles Bukowski once wrote:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
I am still not sure how I see this or what this means to me. Then again, I am unsure if I want this or anything to kill me again.
Yes, I say again.
I say I don’t want anything to kill me again because we often die in pieces. Or more than anything else; we often die alive i more cases than we think and even more; we frequently mourn the loss of our own deaths more than we experience death in a literal sense.
I know this firsthand.
Then again, and getting back to what Bukowski said:
Find what you love and let it kill you.
True love is selfless. And, so, if love is selfless than me and my life needs to be dedicated to this.
Therefore, I need to be dedicated to my love, my spirit, and my hopes and I need to dedicate my dreams for a better lifetime in both this one and the next.
As I see it, we have to use our best weapons against mass and self destruction.
We have to find whatever it is that blows our hair back and fills our lungs and let this save us.
I am told that Bukowski’s quote means that you should give your love your all.
Give this your “everything,” as in all of your hopes and all your dreams, as well as all of your desires and therefore; every penny of your soul and spiritual wealth will be spent and gone.
And no, this does not constitute an eventual poverty. This does not mean that whatever you love will make you poor.
No.
Give your love everything because this will lead you to an inevitable wealth that no man can recreate and no lottery ticket can compare.
Find what you love.
Find who you love.
Be who you are and do this without apology
Find the things that make you right, even when you are in the wrong surroundings.
Find this and let this help you when you are with the wrong people at the wrong times and in the wrong places because in all fairness; there is no right and wrong anymore.
There is only perception and our perspective.
Improve this for me, please.
Each and every day.
I beg you.
Find what you love.
Give this more than you have ever given anything else in your life.
Give this whatever you own and do this freely and voluntarily, fully, wholeheartedly and by any means necessary, do this completely.
Find what you love.
Find your passion and seek your truth.
Find “your thing,” in whichever form this comes in.
Find whatever this means to you because when you see it, or her, or him or otherwise; I promise that this will change everything.
This is unlike anyone else and unlike any other truth or treasure in this world.
Find this and go, be, and do.
Do whatever it takes and do this with all of your heart.
Let this wash over you like the waves as they wash over the sand at the beach.
Learn from this.
Understand how to endure the tides when they rise too high and you feel too deep under water.
Enjoy the waves when they are kind and gentle and above all; preserve your memory.
Value them
Each and every one of them, please.
Do this so that when the tide goes out, you can endure the dryness or the absence of the waves.
Do this so that you can remember what it felt like to be relieved and cleansed.
Do this to remember that the tides go in and out.
The sun goes up and down
Clouds may cover the sky but the sun is always there and thus; so are you.
So is your love because in my eyes, this will keep you alive
Forever
There is not as much time as we think.
The hours are moving and time is mounting.
This is true.
Find your light which is more than the sun and more than the moon.
This is more than the lighthouse that guides the captains who find themselves lost on the proverbial seas.
Find your light.
Find whatever it is that starts your engines and churns the pistons in your heart and soul.
Remember something:
Light comes in different forms.
Light can come from the smile of a child.
Light can come from the laughter of friends.
Light can come from the touch of your Grandmother’s hand or the warmth of a home cooked meal.
Light can come from a parent who understands without the need for an explanation.
Light can come from anywhere and everywhere and be advised, no matter how small the light may seem; no darkness can ever prevail, so long as this light exists.
Light can come from a dog wagging its tail.
I miss my dogs . .
Or light can be found when, say, my friend Popeye the Green Parrot says, “There he is,” when I walk into the room and then he dances up and down because he is happy to see me.
Light can be found when someone you know sees you; and to be clear, there is the function of being seen and then there is the God given gift of being noticed and you are seen for everything.
There are only a few people who can do this.
Very few.
But, ah, their specialty to us is as strong as the smells of my Mom’s perfume which somehow came to me randomly, and out of nowhere, as if to say, “Don’t worry, son. I’m still here. Watching over you.”
Light can be found when you see the objects of your desire.
Light can be found in a candlelit room, no clothes, no distractions and no interruptions
Some people only know the light from their phones which does nothing for me anymore.
I agree that cell phones or smart phones are needed devices.
I get that.
But me?
When I find what I love, my phone and the blue light which comes from the screen while I lay in an empty bed after a sleepless midnight . . .
this and all the contacts who disturb me can all go to the dogs . . .
Why would I want to pay attention to anyone or anything else, except for my love?
And me?
I have desires.
My light and my beacon of ho has changed.
I am mindful that this was not voluntary and yet, I had no choice but to find a new kind of brightness and a new brand of hope.
I had no choice but to find a new port and a new destination because life is always changing.
Plans change.
The weather changes.
Life changes.
And so we . . .
I am older than I have ever been before and still; always and forever, I have the need to be as young as I was the day I touched the most perfect hand in the world.
I am reminded of this more now than ever before
There are no excuses.
There are no substitutions.
There is no trade or ways to barter.
There is no settling or negotiating.
No compromise can fulfill this
All is all and halfway is nothing
Find what you love and let this save your life.
And so you know, the love of your life may be a person, place, or thing.
Bukowski found his love and his passion in poetry.
I can relate but still –
My love is greater and mine is more because to me, more will never be enough.
This is why I want my love to be my everything.
This is why I will give my love everything so that my love will love me back and hopefully, my lo will give me everything in return.
I do not enter into the who or the why or the how.
This is up to the individual.
Your love is yours.
My love is up to me and so, therefore; how I’ll die for this is up to me as well.
One day, I hope.
I will be where I dream.
Until then, I will use this as my weapon against mass and self-destruction.
I will look for the light in the darkest hours.
I will find light, even if it is so small that it can hardly be seen
I will do this so darkness will never prevail
I will find what I love
and let it save me
If I listen,
I can hear you in my thoughts
and if I look
I can see you in my dreams
and on the movie screens
behind the walls of my eyelids
But I only hope
that someday soon
I will hold you in my arms
Forever ~
B.Kimmel
The Written Addiction 