Author Archives: bennyk1972

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For Jake

And so today, the dawn of a young boy’s life has turned to twilight.
We asked for a miracle. And now, even in the fall of a young child’s moment, a miracle has come. A young boy that brought so many together and strengthened the true bond of love has passed this morning.
We followed him and we prayed. We prayed together with every ounce of strength, with every piece of energy, with all of hearts and all of our soul.
We expressed ourselves and did all that was within our power.

Before commencing his spirit, The Son of Man spoke from the cross.
He said, “It is accomplished.”
And in this case, it is accomplished that a child, so beautifully vibrant and Continue reading →

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A Quick Thought on Do-Overs

When I was three, I used to lay with my head propped on my dog, Sheba. Sheba was a big black lab. She would curl around me with my head comfortably resting on her side and I would share my chewing gum with her. I would chew it some. Then Sheba would chew. I have no memory of this. I know it happened because I was told it did, but I have very little memory of Sheba. When I grew older, say about five or six, Sheba ran away and she was hit by a car. She was hurt badly, but with Sheba being Continue reading →

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inventory and mental fitness

 

The morning commute is often the same . . .
Same people stand in their same spots on the platform to the railroad. They find themselves sitting near the same people in the same seats, and I am one of these people, moving into an already crowded train with hopes to find a seat, and clear my mind before my commute delivers me to the city.
I have maintained this commute for more than two decades, and on more than one of Continue reading →

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The sound of memory

Sound gives memory its depth.

I associate the sound of early morning sprinklers chattering across the neighborhood lawns with a drive home after a long night. I was in my early twenties and lost between the ideas of love and lust. I had just discovered an article of clothing, which was left behind by the girl that undressed in my backseat and allowed me a few moments of her time.
After moving through the Long Island parkways, I made it to my familiar side streets, and pulled into my driveway. I was living in a basement at the time, but I was not ready to go inside.
I pulled in and shut the ignition after rolling up the windows in my blue, beat up four-door Chevy. The sky had Continue reading →

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five quick thoughts on the train

 

1)

The worst is to age without cause or live without reason
The worst is to be complacent with mediocrity,
or to accept the ordinary.
And above all,
the worst is to age late in life without feeling the glory of reflection . . .

Even the rough experiences add season to life,
and anything without season
is bland.

One day, if I pull off my trick,
I will wake up and be older.
And if my memory is clear. I will look back and remember
the times I broke night and watched the sun come up
over New York City.
I will recall what the full moon looks like
over the Atlantic Ocean,
and I will sigh with satisfaction because I lived
instead of wondered.
Continue reading →

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Something from The Daddy Diaries

“OUCHIE!”

That’s what my little girl says when she hurts herself. Over the years there have been different levels of “OUCHIES!”
Same as our country’s defense has different DEFCON levels; five being peaceful and one being an all out war, “OUCHIES,” come with their own levels of severity. In regards to parenting and childhood, DEFCON five is peaceful and one is an all out panic with frantic screams for 911.

Father’s and mothers have different responses to each DEFCON levels. Often, fathers confuse Continue reading →

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My Sunday’s thought on God

When I was a young boy, I used to ask God to make deals with me,
but the deals never worked out.
I used to talk to Him about this and I would ask God why.
But he never answered me.
When I asked an adult about this I was told, “God doesn’t work like that.”
Then I asked, “Then how does He work?”
The adult smiled, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

That answer was not helpful.

For a long time I was the anti-god. I was against all religions, especially Continue reading →

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making it out alive

I am standing at the verge of a change; only, I am unsure which direction it will come from or when this change will happen. I cannot put my finger on whether the change will be good or bad. I can just feel it coming . . . and closing in slowly. I tend to overthink myself when this happens.
I feel edgy, but writing helps.

I sometimes sit with my friend Clyde for lunch.  We talk about the old days when Continue reading →

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Regret

I stared through the bars and looked up at the ceiling in the corridor.
“You should have never turned around,” I thought to myself.
“You should have left when you had the chance…”

As the door closed after my escorted walk down a foul smelling hallway, with frosted windows at the ceiling height to the wall to my left, and caged cells to my right, I heard the loud banging of hardened steel crashing into steel.
Then I heard the sound of the guard’s footsteps as he walked away.
I could hear the complaints of an old drunk, unsure of why he was locked in a holding cell, and occasionally shouting, “And where the hell are my Goddamned shoes?”
The echo from the drunk’s vomiting sound, retching, as if his insides were spewing from his mouth, painfully rang down the line of caged men. And each time the drunk would heave, someone in one of the other cells would scream, “Shut up, old man! I’m trying to sleep.”

Everything about this place was awful; the smell was Continue reading →