I have dreams. I have hopes and I have the need for adventures, which I have not taken yet.
And I have to stress the word “yet” as if to advise the both of us that my best has yet to come.
I want to see new things.
I want to go to places I have only seen in pictures. I want to feel the way I do in my dreams when I see these things.

For example, there is a little place not too far from Albuquerque, New Mexico. I knew about this place for years. And there is a little church known as El Santuario de Chimayo or The Sanctuary of Chimayo that is said to have healing dirt.
This place is said to have healing powers.
So?
Why not look to heal myself?

Age 33:
I was on my own. In fact, I was on my own for what seemed like the first time. There was no one to tell me what to do or when to wash the dishes. I was new to the idea of divorce. I was new to being alone and not living with anyone. And this was the biggest thing of all.
I had never lived alone.
There was always someone around, and whether this was good or bad, at least there was always someone there. I was never alone before.
But I was about to be.

There are no more reasons to be consumed by matters that cannot change, like people, places, and things.
No, not anymore.
We cannot give way to the ideas that weigh us down or hold us back. Nor can we strive or move or live a better life if we allow ourselves to stay in the infections of troubled thinking.
And so, I have news.
Yes, something will always be out of place.
Life will arrive on time, even if we are late and even if we stall or beg for more time.
Life is always going to move at the same pace.

I was young and scared. I earned my scars the same as I earned my seat at this table.
And I earned them the hard way. I earned my badges the same as most people do.
I found myself in the wake of my aftermath, and looking back, I found myself in the worry that I might not have the wherewithal to get back up and go at it again.
I can say this about my personal life.
I can say this about my professional life and, of course, I can definitely say this about my love life.

How do we recover from the unrecoverable?
How do we find what it takes to get back up and go back at life with all we have?
Full steam and straight ahead . . .

How do you say goodbye when the pain won’t go away?

I am what I assume is my best version of a normal, everyday, functional but dysfunctional person. I am no different from anyone else who lives and breathes.
I have fears. I have doubts. But I have dreams too. I have love in my heart. I have hopes that come from my soul and, like you or anyone else, I like to see beautiful things.

I have been on a course for a while now. I have changed and aged and I have grown. There are times when I slide backwards or as the old saying goes, there are days when I take one step forward and two steps back.
I have cut my nose off to spite my face or shot myself in the foot, so-to-speak. I have painted myself in corners and have certainly spoken out of turn and out of anger.

I often wonder . . .

If you could remove any concern or if you get rid yourself of any worry, then I would ask you what would it be?
What would it look like if there was no more irrational fear?
Yes, I say irrational fear because fear itself is not a problem, nor is fear problematic.
Fear is good.
Fear is healthy.
Fear is an excellent motivator too.

Fear can be the exact thing that pushes us to perform or to go, or be, or to do because one fear that can be the biggest of all is the fear of loss.

And so?
What do you do?
Stay and fight? Argue?
Live in the past?

This leads me up to my title of this journal.
How do people stop, drop, and let it go?

Who am I if I am too reluctant to release my grip?
Even better, who am I if I am nothing more than strung, like a puppet to my past, and caught in the confines of who am I or who is anyone for that matter?
Is this not life?
Is there not an obvious line between the past, the present, and the future?

How helpful is it to hold the people who hardly regard us, as in seldom or never, and how much do we invest in relationships that come with no return?
i think this is a valuable question.

This entry is from the heart. This is from the most special place I have, which I offer to you modestly. While this is small, I offer this because this is all that I have.

Can you see this?
This is my place. Right here.
Please allow me to explain:
This is my church and my sanctuary.

This is my place of healing. More to the point, this where I come to cast my secrets to the outgoing tides. I call this place mine but I understand that I do not own this, per se. However, this place is mine as much as it can be.

This is where I come to let the sound of the gulls, and the crying birds that circle above, act like the choir of the sea.
I view the crying seagulls like the peaceful organ players at church. Holy, holy, holy for though are with me. Or so I hope.

I am a man, at least this is what I have been told. I am a man of different sorts and different experiences. I am a man of whit and arm and someone with a modest version of charisma, 
or at least I hope so.

I have lived a life or should I say that, somehow, I have spun around the sun more than 52 times.
I have seen great things. I have been to great places. And I have seen sad things and been to sad places.
I have endured and survived. At times, I have lost my freedom to the battles of self. I have been beaten back or retreated and found myself amongst the rubble of my own aftermath.
I know all about the weapons of mass, self-destruction.

I come as I am.
This is me. Right here.