It was the end of March in 1991. I was driving around in a minivan filled with stolen equipment, stolen rifles, a shotgun, car radios, some home entertainment pieces that are outdated now, and a nickel plated .357 underneath the driver’s seat. The end result of this is not surprising. Then again, I wasn’t thinking about the end result.
The night began with me climbing in through the back window of an outdated house with old furniture and Continue reading
Towards The End
It was a few days after my arrest when the reality set in. I was in my childhood bedroom with the doors closed. I knew something was going to happen. It was obvious that my arrest would come with consequences and it was clear to me that rehabilitation was the only option that would keep me from jail.
Besides, jail would have destroyed me. I was too thin, too weak, and if Continue reading
From the Junkie Diaries: 27 Years
I was telling you about the way I felt.
Remember?
I swear it was like walking in quicksand. Whatever I tried to do and whichever way I tried to feel better, things always seemed to be worse. I mean, I wanted to be better. I wanted life to be easier. But it seemed like i could never catch a break.
I told you about this before.
Remember?
If life was a cycle and what goes around truly comes around, I swore that my position here was meant to be here the underbelly. And if this were true, since I was in the underbelly of life’s cycle, that meant this was as best as it would ever be. In my eyes, I was cursed, and since this was my position and since what goes around comes around; anything Continue reading
From Letters from a Son: To a Few Moms and Dads
My town is slightly covered for the beginning of this winter snowstorm. The tree branches in front of my house are like arms draped with white blankets of snow. And the Cobus, Horse Stable, the Catamount, and Panther Mountains behind my home, which are a short distance behind Haverstraw Road are covered as well. It’s pretty now. It’s quiet and while armed with a cup of coffee, I figured now would be a good time to sit with you and write a few thoughts.
I know that we never expect life to ever unfold the way it does. No one ever expects things to end badly or messily —and if deep down, we knew things would in poorly; I wonder if Continue reading
Autumn Leaf
In time, the autumn leaf will crumble to earth and create a new tomorrow, which may take centuries, and all that surrounds us will change into different versions of life.
In time, the landscapes will change 
(and so will you)
In some ways, we are like an old piece of driftwood that floated across the ocean and washed upon shore.
The stories from our crazy days will fade and wash up someplace
(just like the driftwood)
Maybe we’ll Continue reading
The Old Man and a Shirt
Way back when, I can remember The Old Man wearing a gray sweatshirt when he felt a cold coming on. The Old Man was rarely sick, but when he was, The Old Man would get it, he would get it bad. He would throw on his old gray sweatshirt and a pair of 
sweatpants. More important was the shirt. The sweatshirt was old with holes in it. The fabric was worn and the neck was frayed. Mom wanted to get rid of the shirt but The Old Man wouldn’t let her.
This was The Old Man’s sick shirt. It was comfortable for him. And when the fever set in and when the congestion took over, the shivers, the aches and Continue reading
Strength and Change
I was always told the best path to follow is the path of least resistance. I can say this is true. I can say that yes, the easiest path to follow is the oath of least resistance but then I relate to a story written by a literary idol of mine, Robert Fulghum.
In his book, “All I Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten,” Fulghum writes about a cicada, —you know what they are. They are one of those big-eyed, creepy-crawly bugs that chatter from the trees Continue reading
The Farm Thing
This is written for a friend of mine that mentioned The Farm idea last night. And for those of you who may or may not know what The Farm idea is, well, here’s my plan . . .
I want to build a farm. I want to build a place somewhere away from everything at the edge of a small town where people smile and say “Hello.” I want a piece of land that is uninterrupted by signs, billboards, and roads that are filled with traffic. It would have to be a place away from all the static and interference of social media nonsense. If I could place this somewhere, it would have to be somewhere peaceful, like say, somewhere in the center of a few mountains with an elevation that’s high enough that we could see the world Continue reading
From The Classroom: The cutting problem
Before I go on and explain or expose this to you, I want to first explain that this is what happened to me in my life. The thoughts and feelings I express are mine. I cannot say this is the same for everyone else or if others felt this same way, but I can say that throughout my years of recovery and while speaking with others who have been through similar struggles or acted out with similar behaviors, in several conversations, much of what I express was commonly relatable and understood. Therefore, I expose my history of cutting for others who Continue reading
The Creative process
There is nothing more precious than your own creation
(Trust me on this)
What you build is your own. Whether it is your art or the talent you nurture, or your home, or whatever it may be; whatever you create, whatever you nourish, whatever you nurture or cultivate is yours.
This is Continue reading
