I was sitting in the rear pew of an empty Church. I was not there because I believed or because I was saved; I was there because there was no place left for me to go. I was emotionally emptied and bankrupt. The term hope and faith seemed like a far-off glimmer of something I always wanted, but yet, whatever I wanted always seemed just inches beyond my reach.

The Church itself was quiet and the room was cold. Sunlight came through the stained glass windows and brightened my surroundings. There was nothing dark about the room. There was nothing dark at all—except for the hole inside my spirit.
Outside the sky was wintery blue. There were no clouds in the air or leaves on the trees—except for the evergreens. There was no Continue reading →

In my case, awareness is something that often comes in time. Either my eyes were closed or my attention was elsewhere, or rationalized—but something happened—something, like the turn of a switch, and then suddenly, the lights came on and my vision was cleared.

In my case, different scenarios led to different awakenings. As I see it, life is separated by different levels of awareness. And I, myself, have gone through different stages along the way.
One morning, I opened my eyes and realized that I had been sleeping in a bed, which was beneath a roof that was over a home that belonged to someone else. I realized  that I had been living in a world that never belonged to me.

I looked around at the Continue reading →

I used to wear my past like a badge of honor. I used to see “The life,” as cool—like I was some kind of infamous gangster who always managed to slip through the fingers of law and consequences. I saw myself as untouchable.
And the junk—the cocaine habit, the vials of crack, crack pipe, the candle and bent-upwards spoon I used to cook my batches, and the alcohol, or any substance I used to put distance between myself and everyone around me were all tools of the trade.

I was asked if I felt proud of my past.
I am not proud of who I was.
I am only proud of my accomplishments that stemmed from what I used to be.

I admit to myself, to God, and to everyone that I have Continue reading →

A little girl wearing a yellow sundress sat barefoot on the edge of a wooden dock at the side of a quiet lake. Her shoulder length hair was the color of honey. Her eyes were brown and specks of light colored freckles scattered across her tiny nose.
She sat next to a little boy. He was the same age as she was. He sat beside her, quietly swinging his legs back and forth above the still water.
Like the girl, the little boy’s Continue reading →