I know what it means to want more.
And yes, I know what it means to want more and settle for less. Only, I don’t ever want to settle again. Not now. Not ever.
No, I am here for a reason.

I have not come here to resign or make some kind of tearful confession.
I have confessed my sins enough and I have done this to a power of the highest authority. Therefore, no judge or gavel can condemn me.

I know who I am. I know myself very well, in fact, because I have always been me.
Even when I was trying to be someone else.
I was still me.
No matter what.

I have started this idea, which is a journal like all my other journals. Yet, this one is taken from a slightly different angle. Although this is fiction, there is truth to the stories the same as there is truth to all stories. There is truth to the facts that life will not always go according to plan.
Dare I say this or dare I say anything, but I am only a character in this script—this is me, of course.
Or maybe this is a version or maybe this is a different side, as in the unseen side.
I am the one who sits and waits. I am the one who paces the cell, plotting and rethinking, and wishing I had gone left instead of right.

If ever there was a day to be a new day, then let’s make this day the right time to be a new day.
And who doesn’t want that?
Who doesn’t want a new day or a new beginning?
So, let’s go.
Now . . .

We have all been through the gears and the windings of this so-called life. Each one of us has had our share of ups and downs. We have all been hurt. We all have our own scars or cuts scrapes, bumps, and bruises.
No one gets out alive. No one escapes this part of life.
We know this.

I wonder. I think all too much and I find myself asking questions.
But still. And what about this?
What about these questions?
I ask because when we find out, I wonder if the answers will be what we thought they’d be.

There are times when we go left instead of right. And there is a moment in our head when we question if this was the right way to go.
Maybe there was something better waiting for us in the other direction. Maybe life would have been different if we stayed a little longer to see what would happen.
Maybe I left before the miracle could take place.

I like to think about myself in other places and doing other things. I see this more as something that I do for medicinal purposes, which helps restore my mental stability.
I say these are the things that keep my soul alive.
I dream. I see. I breathe and I hope.
I close my eyes and ready myself for departure.

I like the idea that the mind can somehow slip-away, and if we allow it, we can go anyplace or anywhere. We can go and dream and then we can return, just fine, and in good shape and ready to face the day.

I suppose I know what I have to do. I know what I need to do as well. The trouble is the more popular question which is this – what am I going to do now that I am here?

It is dark before the dawn where I am now. Purgatory decided to dress for the holidays a little early this year. Then again, I suppose there’s more need for something to be hopeful for. Maybe this year might be the year that we end it all with a neat trick.
Maybe somehow, you and I will be together (again) and make up for the lost years of bullshit pastimes and subpar vacations from this crazy place.
Then again, I assume no one else would understand about these things.
Except you, of course.
Or except us.

It is a pretty Sunday morning in Purgatory. The autumn weather has settled down for the season and most of the leaves have fallen from the trees.
You can smell this in the air too. You can smell the wet leaves which are stuck to the ground after last night’s rain.
The streets are wet.
The sun is out for now and the wind is blowing pretty quickly. The scattered clouds and the colors of dawn were beautiful this morning.
I love this.

It is clear to me that life moves. And yes, so do we.
So does time and so do the chapters in our life, which somehow brings me back to a full circle.
I swear, I have been here before. yet, no.
I know that I haven’t been here.
At least. not like this.

Another morning comes to us here, in Purgatory.

I hate this part. I hate the smell of the courtroom. I hate the feeling of impending doom; but more, I cannot stand the feeling of being judged or being held as guilty until proven innocent.
But we seem to be this way. We seem all too quick to accuse or to point fingers. We love this and this is common. We come from a species who looks to assign blame, especially when it comes to the emotional crimes in our life.

As I stand here to defend my life and the choices which I have made, I find that I have to pose some questions to the jury of my so-called peers. I further offer this question to the prosecution before they rest, and yes, I ask this question to the judges as they sit in human form and to those who plan to deliver and execute my sentences.

In the case of Me against Me or I against I, I understand that this case is pending and simply ongoing. However, in the case when it’s Me against The World, or in the case of my version of The World against Me; I question if I am the only one who has ever had to live through this kind of litigation.
Are we all so different?