We are moving towards the end of another journal. This means another journal will begin soon enough. This means when one door closes, then another one opens. At least I hope so.
And there is a reason for all of this. I need to give myself something to look forward to. I need to feed my brain and let it chew on the meat of better concepts instead of eat the fat from some unhealthy thoughts which, in the end, do nothing else for me except leave me hungry.

I have more to say and more to do. At the same time, I have the need to keep moving.
I have to keep growing and if I am to grow, then I have to allow myself to move beyond this point. Otherwise, growth is limited, or stunted, or frozen into some immature mindset which never improves or adapts.

I admit that I am scared. I admit that I am intimidated and yes, I admit to the thoughts, which are not just about the “What now,” questions.
Instead, they sound more like, “What if?
What if I turned left instead of right?
What if I listened more?
What if I found a way to put my pain or fears and my worries to the side?
What if I did more instead of resisted more?
What if?
This is a both a great and painful question.

I see them often, young and crazy as ever. Defiant as ever too, and outraged, as if their youth is insulted by the rules and laws. To them, the powers that be and the authorities who rule over their life, from teachers to counselors, and from the law to parents, or anyone who opposes, I have seen the young ones and the crazy ones. I have seen them flare off like a rocket to explode or burn up and simply fizzle away.

I have sat with them and listened to them. I have listed their complaints and spoken with them about this, at great length.
I have often wondered if this was no different from me and my rebellion which, in fairness, nothing is ever the same thing.

There needs to be a moment when you just push through. Understand?
This needs to happen. Or maybe this just “has to” happen so that you can see the fruit from the vine. You can see the benefits from your labor or the purpose from behind the pain.
You can see the horizon ahead, and while not all has been healed or cured, the sun is about to rise. There is an actual way or escape, and therefore, recovery is possible from anywhere.
Truly . . .

When there’s nothing left or nowhere else to go, or when the ride stops and finally, the eyes open to a realization that forces you to understand that yes, this has been in the works for a long time now. Yes, all signs pointed you to this very same place, and while you might not like this, and you never wanted things to go this way, either way, the truth is still the truth. Where we are is where we are. Like it or not.

Of course, it’s easy to point fingers. It’s easy to assign the blame to someone else. It’s easy to fight and argue; but again, the truth is still the truth, and no amount of pretending or blaming someone else can avoid this fact.