I see you …quiet
like a soldier hiding from war crimes
long after the battle has gone away.
You always stand at a distance
You’re always at an arm’s length from the world,
looking from the outside in
and lonesome in a crowd of millions
Your back is to the wall
your eyes cautiously roll from left to right
and the warmth from your hand
has turned cold from the lack of touch.
You are the sum of your uncontrollable events
and the truth of those events was cruel to you
And that cruelty was sharp (real sharp)
……………..like a thin blade
slicing an angular cut deep into the flesh of your existence,
leaving you open to your own despair,
and triggering the lonely concepts
of your perfect isolation
Without the words to say so, your voice became your actions.
You tested the distance between life and death,
and of course,
you tested the margins of your own sanity
to see if you could do it
…………..so that when that blade opened the meat of your wrist,
you could see the outcome of all that festered in you.
I saw you …waiting
wondering if your world could ever be still
or at least pause
so you could regain your composure
and catch your breath.
But the earth spins at 1,040 miles per hour,
which means ……there is no such thing as still
After all –that’s what you needed, right?
You needed a moment to breathe
and a minute to stop the movements in your head,
which gained momentum,
but the momentum gained weight,
and the weight was too heavy.
I assume that’s when you made your choice
and there was no turning back
I saw you …and when I was you,
I looked around and I asked for a sign;
I asked for a voice,
or something to stop me from spilling over the ledge
I wish I was there when before you went.
This way, if you would have told me,
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I would have been there to say,
“Yes you can!”