About My Plan

I have been thinking a lot about the plans I’ve been working on for the last few months. I was thinking about us and the way we were as kids. I was thinking about the help we had and the help we never received. Then I started to wonder if anyone cares anymore, —and what I mean is I mean I wonder if anyone cares enough to open their eyes to see more than what appears to be the surface level or the obvious. What I mean by that is I wonder if anyone cares enough to try a different way, —to look a bit deeper than before and step away from the black and white world we’ve been taught so much about and try something different.
I mean, what would it take to get people to step away from their programmed opinion? And what I mean by this is what would it take to move people from the idea which says, “This is the only way it works,” and cause people to open their mind just enough to see what lays beneath the heart of a young man in trouble.

See, the idea of the future and the ideas of mortality do not exist when you’re young. The future isn’t real and tomorrow isn’t even a thought. There is only now. And that’s all there is.

Try telling a child, “In a few years, things will be different.”
Tell them, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
Tell them, “Nothing lasts forever,” and that “This is only temporary.”
Tell them this in the moment of their despair; tell them this when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel, and then tell them how, “This too shall pass,” and I tell you about a child that looked to you for understanding and all they received were sayings or slogans that cannot and will not repair the pieces of a broken heart.

Think about it. Think about the pain of heartache and the things people say. And the things people say never takes the pain away. I swear, I think people say things because it says somewhere in a book on page 63, “This is what you say in just such an occasion.”

Know this: In a time of need and in a time of hardship or in mourning and pain,; in a time of confusion, when all feels lost, helpless and hopeless, there is no right thing to say. There is only a right thing to do. It’s not the words we share that help others. It’s the effort we show; it’s the things we do and the time we give that helps heal wounds. trust me on this one.

I swear, I never thought this would be me. I never thought I would fight so hard to be an advocate of kids who feel lost, or kids who feel left out, who feel unwanted, unnoticed, uncared for, and seemingly unimportant.

Maybe I am who I am because it would literally hurt me to be anything different. Maybe these plans of mine are simply plans to cure a few of my old pains. Or, perhaps this is the way I deal with an honest guilt. And understand, although I admit to these feelings, I also admit that feelings and thoughts are seldom an accurate science. Sure, I have a past I work to resolve. This is called life. This is called bettering myself, one day at a time, because I don’t ever want to be, think, act, or feel a certain way again.

Maybe this plan of mine is because as a young boy, I felt a certain way, and because I felt a certain way; maybe I want to do something because when everything feels so incredibly desperate, I know what it feels like to have someone put their hand on your shoulder and say, “I’m right here.”

There were a few men like this in my life. There were several actually, but it would take too long to mention them all. These were great men.  In fact, they were the greatest I ever knew. And maybe, maybe these plans of mine are plan because I want to be great like them one day.

I was thinking about you, my friend, Father Mike. I was thinking about the time on 31st street. It seemed like I didn’t have a friend in the world and you came to me to say, “Don’t worry, son. I promise God has an amazing plan for you but you need to give yourself a break.”

The thing about this is it wasn’t the words so much as it was the action behind them. It was the kindness I needed in an time when there was no kindness whatsoever.

I was thinking about you, Tony, and the time you let us watch a movie about a place called Boys Town with Spencer Tracy.

(This is a link that describes what I’d like to do)

I remember the words in the script that went something like, “There’s one thing I know, that I truly know. There is no such thing as a bad boy.” These were the words of Father Flanagan. He also said things like, “There are no bad boys. There is only bad environment, bad training, bad example, bad thinking.”

I remember a scene in the movie Boys Town and it was one that applied to me at the time when I watched it. This scene was between a kid named Tony while he was explaining about the home they had and how they lived. Tony was telling the main character Whitey Marsh about the life they lived and how they lived it

Tony: If you’re a Catholic or a Protestant, you can go right on being one.
Whitey: Well, I’m nothin’.
Tony: Then, you can go right on being nothin’, and nobody cares.

At the time, I felt like nothing and I didn’t want to be nothing anymore. Only, the problem was I didn’t know how to be anything else until somebody helped me find my way.

I don’t ever want to be “Nothin” again.
I want to be something.
More importantly, I want to build something

Maybe I’m still looking to find my way and that’s what my plans are all about. Maybe this is my purpose. Or maybe, just maybe I want to be helpful. Maybe I’m trying to emulate the people that helped me back when I needed it most

Truth is . . .

I just care is all.

I think you should too



One thought on “About My Plan

  1. ((((Ben))))….
    Same page….right there with ya. Started a new practice just this last week: Marianne Williamson’s “A Course in Miracles.” Removing judgement. Then, a friend shared Richard Rohr’s BreathIng Under Water.

    My husband suggested “in the end isn’t it all the same?”

    Benny-it’s exactly how you expressed it; it’s the actions behavior bd the words. It’s taking the time–moments, hours, days–whatever–and reflecting on the “how am I gonna work this?”….and Working it.

    Thanks for this. Paying it forward. God Bless.

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