I can stand true to one thing; pain is painful, I agree. But when it comes to pain from the heart, I defy anyone to stand so strong that they don’t fall to their knees.
I had an amazing phone conversation with someone who is fresh out and back into the world. Wherever he was previously is unimportant; however, now he is home and free from his previous surroundings. Now he is back to where his real life can begin.
There has been loss along the way. There has been irreparable damage left behind as a result due to the wreckage of his past. I see him now as stronger than life. I see this man more valid and more justified before anyone because above anyone, he chose to come home and immediately face the exact nature of his wrongs, face his demons instead of run from them, and between thought and action, this man chose recovery..
We had a conversation about this life we live. We talked about the troubles that get in our way and the tricks our mind plays on us. We talked about the uphill battles and then we talked about our plan and our strategy.
After the downfall and after the aftermath, when we find ourselves at bottom, we find ourselves caught in despair, and while beaten to our knees, the most impossible idea is to contemplate the thought of getting back up after falling so hard.
Something I mentioned in one of my empowerment classes is the only difference between a word and a threat is our investment. But in fairness, in tough times while either brokenhearted or faced with a mistake of mine; when the depression hits me and it hits too hard; when all I can do is lay in bed, sleepless, and look at the ceiling; I am mindful that in times like this it is to know where to invest my thinking.
When panic comes and when my anxiety trips like an alarm, I can’t breathe, and I can’t get away from myself, the pressure insurmountable, and my thoughts do nothing else but betray me.
I breathe. But breathing only helps me so much. I fear too much and I feel too often. I sit and wait for the next wrong thing to happen because this is how bad news travels; it lurks behind corners and seeps through the cracks of closed doors, which I hide behind and swore I would never open.
It is hard for me to understand how to invest anything of mine in times like this. When it comes to depression, desperation,or dependency issues and when it comes to thoughts so tragic that our chest tightens, we can’t breathe, and we can’t calm down, I swear, times like this make it hard to correct our ways.
Something I have heard other speakers say and something I have said as well is this: You have to save your own life on a daily basis.
Someway, somehow, you have to find this within yourself to get up and to be you without regard for your fears and be yourself without any decoration. Some way, somehow, we have to find our own inner acceptance. And no, I don’t say this is easy. I only say this is necessary.
When regarding God or God as we understand him in our conversation, I reminded my friend that we have to do something on a daily basis in order to complete our cycle and achieve our tasks. It is written in Galatians 5 about crucifying one’s own flesh.
What this means is unless one crucifies his own flesh on a daily basis; or unless one leashes their tongue on a daily basis, it is within us to sin. It is within us to say or do the wrong thing.
We are all perfectly imperfect creatures. I think we all understand this; however, our only means of progress is to wake up on a daily basis, show up, be us to our best possible ability, and at the close of day, we want to find ourselves face to face with our reflection in the mirror and finish each possible day in the form of a constructive conclusion.
I understand life is not easy. But it doesn’t have to be so tragic either. If the only difference between a word and a threat is our investment, then what would our life look like if we chose to honor ourselves with better investments?
It amazes me though, the people we meet. It amazes me how when things struggle in our mind, along comes a phone call, and on the other end is a friend to let you know what you mean to them.
God bless this friend of mine.
He has no idea what he has done for me