I believe in the soul.
Even if others tell me there is no such thing, I believe in the soul and the soul’s need to be free.
I believe in the inner self.
I believe in the “Us” deep within that has been covered by layer upon layer of emotion and experience. I believe in the inner self, yearning and aching to break out from beneath the weight of all things.
I believe that within us all is a true self which is hidden below the surface but is anxious to emerge to defy the gravity of all things.
Most of all things; I believe within is a true self that looks to come out to defy the gravity of fear; to disprove the weight of our doubt, to laugh, to dance, to be free, to live, and to love without the restriction of past or present threat.
I believe in the child within. I believe within us is a voice that wants to be heard but lacks the words to speak our truth.
I believe in the gravity of life and that life, in itself, can be heavy at times. And memory, —well, depending upon the angle, memory can either be our best friend or worst enemy.
Memory has a way of shading the truth or coloring it in ways, which is based upon our interpretation. And to interpret means to understand in our own way. To interpret means to see things from our own point of view. This involves our perception. And perception is not truth. It’s only true to us.
My goal is to defy gravity. My goal is to disregard the weight of my perception because perception is easily deceived.
And deception has gravity.
Deception has weight.
My goal is to remove the things that weigh me down.
One by one, my goal is to identify the weight of things that keep me from moving forward. Once I can identify them, I find the weight is not so heavy, or at least, I find the weight is not as heavy as I thought it was. Truth is most times, weights like this are juts an elaboration of the mind.
One by one, my goal is to remove the intimidation that keeps me from being the person I want to be. However, unless I identify what holds me back and unless I brave the honesty it takes to distinguish what belongs, what I need, what stays, and what goes, I will be stuck beneath the weight of my self-consumed fears for as long as I choose to carry its weight.
I remember when depression took the best of me. I wanted to feel the absence of gravity. Not to fly so much, but more, I wanted to be free of the weight upon my shoulders. I wanted to be free from doubt and free from the bondage of ego, which in my opinion is the spoon that stirs the pot.
I swore I was different. I swore if I were to remove doubt and shame, and if I were to remove regret and rejection, or if I could take away the insecurity of humiliation, and by this, I mean if I were able to remove the moments of embarrassment, like the times when I allowed myself to be vulnerable or give myself, but found rejection instead, and if I were able to remove the placement of blame and surrender the need to find accountability, and instead, if I gave in to acceptance, and if I were able to shut down the worry factory and stop the thought machine, I swore I would be just fine.
I wholeheartedly believe in the soul and the soul’s need to feel free. I believe in the heart and the heart’s need to find purpose.
I also believe in the weight of gravity.
I believe the pains we feel, the unfavorable memories, the resentments (whether we acknowledge them or not) and the crimes against us, the abuse, the neglect, the rejection, and the shame we carry, and the regret we feel are all weights that hold us down.
In order to feel free, our job is to remove them
We all have our own sources of gravity. We all give in to the illusion of winning or losing; as if winning is everything (or the only thing) because the thought of losing is like a personal threat because losing relates to the construct of rejection. But rejection is an illusion; therefore, its gravity is an illusion too.
My goal is to rid myself from the illusions of gravity. Life comes with its own weight to hold me down.
So why add to it?
My goal is to find my balance. I want to find oneness, which in a word is enlightenment, which is to defy the imaginary weights in my mind, and finally, to feel weightless, as if this is me: Enlightened