I think the hardest part of love is the part we cannot control. These are the circumstances beyond our control, like say, the happiness or the health of the ones we love most.
This is true.
This is especially true when we see the people we love and watch them struggle. We want to “Fix it” but we can’t. We want to change the circumstances, but again, due to circumstances beyond our control—there is nothing we can do but watch and feel helpless.
Often times, when we feel helpless or if we try to help and we can’t, or when we feel as though our love cannot heal or conquer all; we tend to take this personally. We see this as a sign of rejection.
But it’s not.
This is not upon us. This is just our love questioning itself, which in turn, causes the question if our love is equally returned., which in turn causes us to question our value. We look in our mental mirror and worry about our reflection. Are we good enough? Is there something wrong with us? This is love’s worry and the insecure whispers that create panic.
I can say this: in the hardest times, and during the most frustrating moments of my life—although I might have seemed inconsolable at the time; although my frustration was through the roof, and although, I might not have been able to show this as clearly as I wished—there is nothing so helpful as the voice or the touch of those I love the most.
Keep in mind, there is no right or wrong thing to say; however, there are times when to lean in and help; there are times when listening is best, and there are times all you can say is “I love you and I want to be helpful.” All else is beyond our control.
We can’t tell people how to feel. We can’t change anyone.
Although we never want anyone we love to feel bad or angry, we can’t tell them, “Not to feel,” whichever way they choose.
We have to support them. We especially have to support them because love is a mutual responsibility. We have to inhale while they breathe out and exhale so they can breathe in.
Keep in mind, love should never be a one way street. If it is, then I question if this is love at all. Love is never abusive but love has its moments when love hurts. Words are said and things are done.
Love can be confusing. Love can be frightening, especially when love feels the threat of not being mutual or if it will go unreturned.
The most unmanageable times in my life are the times when I tried to fix or control something that was beyond my control. I was unhappiest in times like this.
I cannot change yesterday. I can’t fix the problems of others and I can’t stop people, places, or things from imposing upon me or you or anyone else.
Life comes with its fair share of unexpectedness. I suppose sometimes we get our hopes up. But when the circumstances change, we experience heartbreak—and for those who stand by in our personal cheering section; I suppose this hurts them as much as this hurts us.
I used to blame the world for all my thoughts and triggers. Until one day, I realized it’s not the world. This is me that chooses to internalize and personalize the things I cannot fix.
It’s hard to feel unsure, especially when love is on the line. It’s hard to watch the people we love most go through something painful or unfortunate. It’s hardest when we can’t help them.
I get that.
This is the selfish part of love. This is the part we believe should be enough to cure any cancer, any sickness, or any problem. But nothing cures the world of circumstances beyond our control.
No, I think love’s best quality is the ability to endure. Love is the reason why we cheer for those we care about. Love is the thing that brings a tear to the eye because someone we know and care for has not only broken through, but they have surpassed their best dreams possible.
Mom once told me, “I will always love you. It won’t always be easy. But I will always do it.”
I suppose as a kid, I never understood what this meant. then again, I was just a kid then, My mind was someplace else.
I was less than sharing of my love or my life at the time. I was less vulnerable too. I suppose it’s when I grew to find a love of my own that I understood what Mom was trying to say.
I suppose I understood more when I saw an expression of hurt feelings in the eyes of someone I would never want to hurt in a million years.
Love is never free of painful things.
I know this.
I suppose we all do.
Sometimes we worry if our love is ever enough. But there is another side of our love which we never see. On the other side is our loved one; and sometimes, our loved ones are worried about their worth.
We might be depressed. We might be heartbroken. We might be afraid. We might be angry about a million and half other reasons. We might be frustrated. Or maybe we’re pissed because our food was served wrong—or perhaps we get mad because we go to a restaurant and the waiter tells us, “No, we can’t prepare your food the way you like it,” which connects to a long list of other silly little things we choose to take personally. (By the way, I use the food example as a thing because my food is a big one with me.)
One thing no one wants to feel is to be taken for granted or unappreciated. Sometimes, love goes this way too. But again, due to circumstances beyond our control, this causes changes, problems, atmospheric tensions, and thus, we don’t always act or behave the way we wish we could.
I get this, which is why I know that although I am imperfect; I know my love is wholesome because it is strong enough to allow me to see my wrongs, apologize, and work to correct them.
Love ain’t an easy thing, but I swear, love is the only thing that will ever open our eyes to a world we would never see if we never felt the love of someone else.