Sometimes . . .
It’s hard to get up in the morning.
it’s not that we’re sleepy so much
No . . .
it’s just, pointless
am I right?
Sometimes, the weight on your mind
is the heaviest thing in the world.
It’s like, you can’t catch your breath
it’s like you can’t breathe
and all you want to do is breathe.
Something is wrong
something is missing
something is out of place
and nothing seems fit:
not you
not your clothes
nothing.
Everything is a mess
life is all fucked up
Ah, Depression . . .
The rest of the world has no idea.
What do they know?
Does anyone know what it’s like to think this way?
to feel this way?
or to live this way?
Better yet, does anybody even care?
Sometimes, I swear
it’s like there is huge a conspiracy
it seems like everyone is in on the joke (except us)
and nothing is fresh or pure or new.
Everything seems synthetic or fake or just made up.
There is no passion
just a need for relief
but yet
any relief is just temporary
Might as well stay in bed, right?
I mean, why bother?
Sometimes, it’s hard to find a reason
Sometimes, it’s hard to find a purpose;
to find a sense of meaning
or a reason “Why?”
Sometimes, it is hard to see the point
especially when everything around us
seems so goddamned pointless . . .
I get it.
Nothing works.
You feel like that kid, frustrated as hell
of course, you’re frustrated
you’ve been trying to push a square peg
through a round hole
which doesn’t fit.
No one asks for this.
No one picks this from a menu
and says, “Yes, I’ll have that life please.”
People offer help and suggestions,
but let’s face it . . .
What the hell do they know?
Probably nothing!
They probably just feel bad.
I get that too.
For now, just breathe . . .
Breathe right now.
Just do it.
Do it because right now,
breathing is the only thing you can do.
Breathe
in through your nose.
nice and deep.
Fill your lungs and count with me
1,2,3,4,5,6,7
now hold it
count with me
5,4,3,2,1
Now exhale through your mouth
and count with me
1,2,3,4,5,6,7
That’s right,
breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth
and call this your 7,5,7 trick.
Go ahead
Do it.
Close your eyes
Smell the flowers when you inhale
Smell the air,
feel it filter through your nose.
Let the air fill your lungs
then pause
then blow out the candles
and breathe.
Give it a second
Give it a minute.
Give it whatever it takes
Just give it a chance.
(Or should I say, give you a chance)
I get it.
No one understands
and I’m not saying I do either.
I’m just offering an out.
I’m just offering an option
to an otherwise bad idea.
Know what I mean?
All you want is to be free.
Am I right?
I get that.
All you want is to breathe
You want to shed the weight
You want to stop thinking
you want the threats to go away
the impending doom to go away
You want the doom to stop.
You want to wake up
and not feel so damned intense
Like . . . . .
why does everything
have to be so FUCKING crucial?
Am I right?
Where does the need to prove ourselves come from?
Why is it we can accept others
but yet,
we feel as if no one ever accepts us,
which in turn, leaves us feeling unacceptable,
or unwanted, or unremarkable,
and worse, unnoticeable.
Ever walk into a room and not feel good looking
or bad looking, but just,
unnoticed?
Ever feel this way and then lo and behold,
of course,
someone else walks in the room
and everyone else takes notice?
It’s like, “Look, the life of the party’s here!”
You start to wonder the “Why me,” questions
or “Why him,” and “Why her?”
Then you start to ask yourself,
“What the hell is so wrong with me?”
Why can’t I be noticed like that?
Trust me. I get it.
But here’s something you might not get.
Nothing about you could ever be unnoticeable.
If this were so,
would I come here to tell you
I noticed?
You just want to be good
to be right
to be validated
loved
accepted
comforted
cared for
comfortable in your own skin
comfortable your own world
and comfortable in your own life.
Of course
you do.
Who doesn’t?
Just breathe for now
Close your eyes
Envision what you want
see the life you want
define it and describe it.
Ask yourself
What can you do?
Where you want to be?
How would you like to get there?
Close your eyes and create your vision
Don’t move until you see it
Keep breathing
Keep imagining
make this your goal
and now
go achieve it!
But if you can’t achieve this today,
know that it’s okay.
We will be here tomorrow
We’ll give it a shot again
Just breathe
And know that I love you.
The Written Addiction 