After all the evaluation and after the stages of contemplation to preparation, the next phase begins with determination. This is followed by action. This is the stages of change. Put simply, change is creating a new normal. That’s it. that’s all there is to it.
There is a story about an old acquaintance of mine. More accurately, this man was an acquaintance of an acquaintance. But still, the story is very relevant so here it goes.
On occasion, he would go to open houses on Sundays mornings. He went alone and dressed himself well. Be fully aware that these were no ordinary open houses. No, these were the open houses to luxurious homes that were way out of his price range.
Nevertheless, he would go to the homes. He would look around. He would ask questions about the home and interact with the broker. He would act as if and walked thought house and plan his life.
When asked why, the old acquaintance would say “Because I’m looking for the kind of home I want live in someday.”
His idea was to build a vision. He wanted to create his life. In order to do so, he had to see what he wanted this to look like. Next, he needed to create a plan and consider how to build it.
His home life was modest. He was never wealthy nor was he ever poor, just middle-class and humble. He swore, however, someday, this would be his life.
Of course, we were younger then. I never knew much else about this man other than the story about him and the open houses.
Life is what life is and time does what time does. I went off in my own direction and so did much of my old acquaintances. Most of the people I was friends with are more like distant or faded memories to me; it’s almost as though they happened in a different life.
Although we swore differently, no one really stayed in touch. Of course, there are times when paths cross. There are times when old friends randomly see each other and smile at one another.
I never saw the old acquaintance that used to visit the open houses. Last I heard; he built the life he was looking for. He kept looking for the angles and looking for the breaks. He looked for opportunities and found his dream.
In order for him to have his dream, he needed to see it. He needed to put a place to it. He had to build his address. He built his entire life based on a vision. In this case, he was the architect; he was the designer and decorator.
I say good for him.
He never had a bad life. All he wanted was to create a new norm.
And that’s exactly what happened.
I’m not sure about any of the pages in his playbook. I’m not sure what his secret is. Maybe there’s no secret at all.
Maybe he just chose the life he wanted. Maybe he just decided this is it and then worked hard. He acted upon his vision and made his life match his dream.
Now, some would call this inspirational. Some would say this is motivational. I say that in a life filled with distractions and disappointments, for a man to create a vision and then see that vision come to fruition is more heroic than anything else.
There are stages of change. There is the pre-contemplation stage, which is where the seed needs to go. Next is the contemplation, which I consider the planting and the germination of the seed; and now that the seed has been planted, the seed begins to sprout.
Next is determination, which is the first signs of initial growth. Then comes action, which is when the seed breaks ground and starts to grow upwards. The next phase of change is maintenance because without maintenance, the seed will never grow enough to flower. Otherwise, the seed will go to waste and the change will never blossom.
Again, change is just creating a new norm.
When I wanted to lose weight, I had to create a new norm for my sense of nutrition. When I wanted to escape the wreckage of past relationships, I had to introduce myself to a new norm of friendships.
I changed my actions to help change my thinking; and by creating this new norm, I created new feelings.
I was able to move away from old hang-ups. This does not mean there aren’t days of backsliding—but even if I do backslide, at least I backslide to a better place than before.
The reason being is that I have improved my default settings; therefore, I have also improved my bad days of backsliding.
The person I wanted to get rid of is not me anymore. In order for me to do this, I had to create a new norm. I had to build my vision of what I wanted this to look like and maintain this as a high priority. I had to build this, see this and currently, I am designing what this will look like.
By the way, I don’t visit open houses but did I ever tel you about the yacht I’m going to buy?
Here she is: