Everyone has a map from their past. This plays over and over in our thoughts. This is where our perception lives. This is where our opinions come from and where we hold the records of our old experiences. These are the blueprints we use to build the models of our predictions. We base our plans on assumption.
The records from our memory point our thoughts in a biased direction because of the math we do in our minds. We calculate our assumptions according to the variables of our previous involvements and associations. This is where fear comes from and where concerns begin to grow.
In the face of old or previous events, and in the fear-models we build to prevent the past from reoccurring, we slip into a trending pattern of thinking. This is why people create an image for themselves or hide behind masks as a means of protection. We jump to conclusions or prepare for conversations that might not be necessary or even real. This is also where we gain a false perception of self and where we store our insecurities like arrows that shoot down the hopes of our dreams.
Our memory is our database. But what if our data is based upon misunderstandings or misperceptions? Interpretations have historically been inaccurate before, but in the mind, if we believe something is true then it must be true, right?
The deception of perception is very real. This is why it is said that perception is not truth but only true to the individual. There is a saying that goes, “In the land of the blind, he with one eye is king,” and even with faulty vision, all the blind believe him. The fact remains that we are frequently misinformed because of the flaws in other people’s sight.
Our main purpose in life is to evolve. We live and we remember. We also grow and learn but not all lessons are accurate. Some of our lessons are based on the inaccuracies of our teachers. Some lessons are learned by the inaccurate cruelties we hear from insults. This is where we build our complexes which are composed with interconnected memories that link us to the association of experience, opinion, and feelings.
The theories we create about our life are linked to the communication between past recollections, which we categorize between good or bad.
Then of course are the unresolved tensions or the memories that do us a disservice. These are the biased opinions about ourselves as a result of our interactions with others. In some cases, this is what prevents us from growing because we face our past and assume the same measures by reliving old routines.
Resentments are the unresolved tensions that resonate and sway us away from our best or truest possible self. This leads to distraction and to a false or misinterpretation of who we are. We often allow our resentments to degrade our worth by stealing our time and energy. This is what a resentment is; it is a theft of services. It steals from our energy and drains our true self.
Resentment comes back to us and stays with us. Oftentimes, we find ourselves reliving past conversations. Our mind carries on conversations from the past that left behind an unresolved dilemma. There are times when we might find ourselves reliving the argument and rehashing it until we say in our mind what we wished we could have said out loud at the time of the incident.
Aside from draining, what is this?
This is ego. This is fear. Moreover, this is the road towards rejective thinking and beliefs. This is us when we are afraid to be seen or perceived somehow as imperfect or flawed. The idea that if something is wrong with us, people won’t like us or love us or worse, no one will want to be involved with us. Deep down, as small as it might seem; this is true. All roads lead to the fear of rejection. In fact, we are all as perfect as we’ll ever be. Nothing is wrong except for the fact that something happened and we didn’t like it. That’s all a resentment is. Something happened and we didn’t like it. Since we cannot change or control this; we resent it.
The problem evolves however, and if we refuse to relinquish our control then we harbor them. We store the tensions in our memory bank. These are like downloads to our database’s memory. This acts like a virus in our computer’s hard drive.
Resentment links to control, or to the lack thereof, in which case until we relinquish control and remove ownership, predictions become reality and opinions become belief, and our future becomes the same as our past (if we’re not careful).
It is true that we had a hand in our past. We have a hand in our future as well. This means until we relinquish the past, we will often revisit and relive the past. In order to grow we have to learn that assumptions can be misleading. Opinions are not fact. More importantly, interpretation is not always definite.
The fact remains that unresolved tensions are linked to a feeling of discomfort. Whether this comes from shame or regret, most often this is a connection to a rejected idea that insinuates a moment of susceptibility and vulnerability. These thoughts are stemmed from a dishonorable time or experience. This is where the linkage connects us to past connections and prevents us from trusting new opportunities. We do this because there is a biased belief that the past might happen again.
Nothing is ever the same. In actuality, each day is different; however, if we find us repeating a looping practice then perhaps we might look at why and how.
At some point we come to the stage where we feel comfortable questioning the lessons we learned. At some point, we find the strength to inspect the old and unresolved memories. We forgive ourselves. We come to the fortunate fact that yesterday is gone and put simply, we just don’t live there anymore.
The lead role here is to reprogram our subconscious programs so that we can reboot our system, relinquish control by surrendering the unchangeable, and learn to navigate towards a different future.
Ask yourself about the uncontrollable aspects of life. The uncontrollable is unmovable and constant. Yet, still, we try to form or change or relitigate the past. We do this to alter the unresolved memories into something more pleasing and acceptable. This is not helpful. The fact remains that yesterday is gone. We do not live there anymore.
Changing something beyond our control is no different than us walking up to the tallest, strongest tree in the forest and trying to shake it from its roots. But which moves; us or the tree?
We are all welcome to nurture whichever beliefs we choose. We are free to travel down whichever pathway. We can store our energy or use it but when we do, wouldn’t it be best to be constructive instead of destructive?
Resentment leads to self-destructive ideation. It takes work to improve. It takes time to reprogram our thinking and remove infectious opinions. No one said this is easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy. But if this were the best door towards freedom, wouldn’t the effort be worth it?
I think it is.
How about you?