Don’t Be Afraid To Be First

Understand something . . . 
There is nothing wrong with self preservation. Love is love but sometimes the best way to love someone is to understand that staying away is the best idea.

Make no mistake that life and love will not come with casualties. We all go through our moments of separation. We all experience the divides in relationships and we all have someone that we are not supposed to be divided from, but yet, we are.

Understand that at no point does anyone have the right to interfere with our happiness. No one has the right to impose or push or shove. No one has the right to hurt someone. Even if the person doesn’t really mean to be hurtful but yet, they are, due to their own personal dilemmas still does not dismiss the fact that pain is still pain regardless to an excuse.

Make no mistake and understand that nobody has the right to hold us back. No one has the right to keep us from improving. For some reason there is a belief that says we have to endure. There is an idea that suggests we have to accept the unacceptable treatment because of someone’s title in our life.

This is not true. No one has the right to keep anyone hostage. Yet somehow, we find ourselves voluntarily giving in. We find ourselves allowing the unfair practice because we think this is just the way things are.

Regardless of how anyone is and regardless of their name, rank or the position they have in our lives, there is nothing wrong with choosing self-care. There is no shame in choosing you first. Else, we run the risk of lifelong uneasiness. Else we can tumble and fall.

Or even worse, we can find ourselves trapped in uneven relationships. In which case, we allow ourselves to be in the constantly subservient role that dictates and determines the way we will always be treated.

It is said that we cannot choose our family. It is said that we cannot choose our parents and it is also true that we cannot pick our children. 

There are times when even if the description sounds unfortunate, we have no choice but to allow ourselves the option of moving on. In some cases, moving on is the most loving thing we can possibly do.

It would be inaccurate to believe that anyone’s life takes precedence over ours. It would be further inaccurate to believe that we have to sacrifice our happiness for the benefit of someone else’s. 

No one has the right to keep us from moving forward. No one has the right to prevent us from self-care. And everyone knows this. The funny part about this is the people that say, “That would never be me.” The funny thing is there are some that deny this will ever happen in their life. They deny that this has happened to them yet, people like this never see the irony in the bitter ways they respond to this idea.

Know why? I’ll tell you why.
Life happens to everyone. Love happens to everyone the same as lovelessness happens. Some seasons are warm and some are cold. Life is this way too. The reason we understand what we want in life is because we’ve already seen what we don’t want. No one escapes betrayal. No one gets away from deceit. No one escapes heartbreak and nobody walks away without a scratch.

There are times that will come when regardless of the name or position, the choice of separation comes because otherwise, life will not be lived to its best potential. There will always be reasons and there will always be excuses. There will always be the rationalized ideas that suggest we have to stick around and endure. 

At no point are we made to suffer. And at no point should we suffer. But more to the point, there is no reason why another’s life or happiness should take priority over our own. It’s okay to be first.

This does not mean relationships will not come with give and take. There will be tough times to navigate through. However, no one should ever negotiate their value. No one should have to subject themselves to unacceptable or hurtful standards. And be advised, there is nothing wrong with looking to move away from painful or stressful situations. It’s okay to choose you first.

There will be times we need more than we can give, and adversely, there will be times that our loved ones will need more than they can offer. This does not mean quit. This does not mean abandoning someone. In fact, quite oppositely, this means that through priority and self-care, we are able to understand the difference between mutually beneficial and unhealthy relationships. 

Sometimes as much as we love someone and no matter how long a relationship has been ongoing, put simply, there are situations we need to stay clear of in order to maintain a better existence.

There are people in my life which I love but yet, there are reasons why we seldom speak or interact. There are old friends of mine that I consider to be blood; however, their life took on a different path and me, I just couldn’t follow. 

Did I feel bad when I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to some of them?
Did I feel bad when people in my family passed away and yet, there was unresolved business?
Of course, I felt bad.
But this doesn’t mean I should have sacrificed my life just so I can be involved with theirs. This doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t come first.

Make no mistake about it.
There is nothing wrong with self-preservation.
It’s how we stay alive.

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