I am young now.
In fact, I am younger now than before because I choose to be.
I am a man by my own definition; therefore, I do not concern myself with the definition of others or concern myself with the pronouns someone else uses. I do not concern myself with the way someone else chooses to define me because above all things; I am me and no one else can say or sway any of this from ever being true.

I am me and yet still, I am yet to be defined. This means my life is yet to be determined because I am still growing.
I am always growing, daily and consecutively until eventually, I will come to the station of my existence when I have outgrown growth itself.

I am a young boy that sat in a small aluminum boat in the rear, left hand corner of a backyard at a home on 277 Merrick Avenue.
I am that boy that sat in the small rowboat, bundled with coats and mittens in wintertime, sitting quietly on the bench seat beneath a tree in the yard. I held a little stick in my hand and pretended to be fishing.
This is me. I am that little boy.
Always dreaming.

I am that boy that believed in things such as the tooth fairy. I am that child that believed that my Father could beat up your Father.
He could fix anything.
I am this child. I am the son and the youngest in the family.

I am that one that sought to find myself in so many ways.
I am small yet, I am bigger now because I have grown.
I am the pain of my pasts and the victory of adversity.
I am that one.
I am the one that no one figured or assumed would be the person I am now.
I am that holding cell. I am that crime.
I am that transformation but more; I am recovery.

Who am I?
I am me.

I am the one that looked for love and then swore that love was nothing more than elusive. I am the one that believed in nothing but hoped for everything.
I am the person you see and standing before you, I am a compilation of events and memories, which may or may not be accurate because of the deception of perception but in either case; I am still me.

I am me because above all things, I cannot be anything else. I can try though. I can act or perform but life is too short for pretending.

Who am I?

I am a string of successes and failures alike. I am the one that fell. I am a list of old, buried humiliations that somehow find their way to the surface.
I am a survivor (just like you).
I am the one that swore I could never move beyond the times at hand, and yet, I did.
I did this in the sense that although at the time, the moment was punishing; eventually, I learned to escape myself.
I learned to free me from my inaccurate assumptions.
I learned to be mindful.
I learned that although not all things come easy; as sure as I stand and as sure as my heart beats and lungs breathe, above anything, I am the ability to endure.

I am durable.
I am capable and able to live, love, laugh, and learn because this is me. 

I am the risk of assumptions and the aftermath of mistakes. Yes, I am. But moreover, I am my own resolution. I am the transformation from child to the man I am today. I am also the youthfulness, the joyousness, and the happiness I choose; therefore, in order for me to be this then I must choose this. I must choose who I am and who I want to be. 

I am this.
I am that man that wept. I am the man that stood when I swore the ground beneath me was too weak, like wet marsh, and while my legs seemed too heavy; I am the one that carried me through.
I am my hero. This is me. No one else.

I know there have been worries of mine about the darkness and the return of pains that seemed so threatening.
I am still that boy. I am that frightened boy, afraid of the dark, looking to play, holding a teddy bear, which later became a gun, and then became a branch of peace because this is who I want to be; and who I want to be is peaceful, serene, justified, and before any, I want to be the one brave enough to say anything truthful about me without worry or fault.
I want to be the one that stands on my own two feet, proud of what I’ve grown into, comfortable in the skin I’m in, and satisfied enough that I can bare it all and risk the world because before I am anything; I am me and thus, as a result, I am perfect.

This is me

One thought on “I AM

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