I’m writing this letter with hopes that my thoughts might come in handy. I was hoping some of this might help the world make a little sense one day. Then again, I’m not too sure the world makes sense to anyone anymore. But either way, I figured it’s worth a shot.
I don’t know where you are right now. At least, not exactly. I don’t know what you’re doing or what you’re thinking. I don’t know who you trust or confide in. I know the roads we take are confusing sometimes. This trip we’re on is a wild ride. That’s for sure. So, buckle up but don’t be afraid to ride with the wind in your hair.
I’m sending this message out to the universe with hopes that it finds you. Whenever, if ever, my hope is this note finds you wherever you are, then again, I know this is impossible. So then again, maybe this letter is more for me than you.
It’s tough to be young. It’s tough when people say, “You’re just a kid.” and, “You wouldn’t understand.”
The truth is I’m not too sure if adults understand. And I think this is the problem.
We don’t always understand. So what do we do? We get mad. We argue. We scream and yell. We say things we don’t mean or we mean things we don’t say. We point fingers and try to find out who’s to blame. Meanwhile, we all act like babies. And meanwhile, we just want to be justified.
I don’t know who understands and who doesn’t. I don’t know why grownups act like children. I don’t know why divorce happens or why children are thrown into the mix.
I don’t know why people can’t work things out or solve their differences without spitting through their teeth and being mean to one another.
I do know that the world can be a mean place. I know that things at home can be uncomfortable. And we have that need, you know?
We have that need to understand. We have that need to try and fix things. We want the people around us to be happy. Maybe this way we can be happy. But happiness is a strange thing.
I don’t know why good things happen to bad people. I don’t know why people say mean things to the ones they love. I suppose this all stems from insecurity. I suppose this is because people are afraid. We’re afraid to be wrong. We’re afraid to be flawed. We’re afraid that people will think there’s something wrong with us. We’re afraid to be weak or vulnerable. Everything snowballs from there and grows bigger because we complicate this in our mind.
Meanwhile, the truth is all we want is to be acknowledged. We want to be validated as if this defines our worth and if no one validates us, we mistake this to mean that we’re not worth anything. That’s what this is about. This is about the fear of living without being valid; even though being valid should come from within, we tend to let our ego get away from us and demand that we be acknowledged by others.
Just remember that no one has to remind the lion that he is the king of the jungle. No one has to tell the bird, “It’s your wings that help you fly.” No one reminds the eagle, “It’s not the branch that keeps you safe; it’s the wings you have that let you soar.”
I don’t know much about this world. Then again, I’m not sure if anyone really does. To be honest, I think the person that knows they don’t know much is probably the one that knows the most. Meanwhile, everyone around you is looking to pull off a trick. Trust me on this one. Look around and you’ll see. Everyone is trying to show their face. Everyone has a story and everyone has their own game going on. Learn this and by any means necessary, learn not to take this personally. Learn that taking things personally becomes a habit. And this habit is a bitch to break.
I tell you that I don’t know much but I do know about the fear of loss. I know that people are afraid to lose things. I know that sometimes we can be so afraid to lose someone or something that we set this up ourselves. We create this self-fulfilling prophecy. We become so stuck in the idea that we facilitate the idea itself. We literally make our worst fears come true and yet, we seldom see how we played our hand in this.
I only say this because I speak from experience.
I know that I was afraid to lose. I was afraid to be hurt or to be slighted. I was afraid that somehow, it was only inevitable that I was going to be betrayed somehow; that I was not going to be heard or get my turn.
I expected the worst and yes, eventually, the worst came true.
But here’s the thing; the mind doesn’t always know the difference between thought and reality. Sometimes we think something so much that our thinking eventually becomes real (even if it’s not real).
I think I’d like to have a Do-Over. I’d like to rewind the clock but the real clock never rewinds. I’d like to say I’m sorry for a million things. Or maybe more.
I know that the sands of time keep falling. I know that the hourglass we’re given at birth is an uncertain thing. No one knows the hour or the day.
All we know is we wake up. We know that our time together is finite. Today is only going to happen once. And tomorrow, well?
I’m not too sure about tomorrow. I don’t know how many of them are left. All I know is that at this point in my life, I have no more room for grief. I have no room for anger or hatred. I don’t want to fight.
There are going to be different tomorrows that come your way. You should know this by now. Know that there are going to be things that happen that go far beyond your control.
There will be people in your life that come and go. There are people that only stay around for a short while. And that’s okay. People can be temporary sometimes.
Not all friendships last as long as we thought they would. The same goes for love because not all things last forever. I wish I could tell you that no one will ever break your heart. Then again, I guess you already know about this part.
I don’t know a way to defend yourself from heartbreak better than this: Learn to love yourself. Learn to be comfortable. Learn to walk away when the warning signs come.
Never compromise your worth or your value. Never settle on your dreams. And this one is the biggest.
Most people that live a miserable life are living this way because they gave up on the one thing that made them tick. Most people that live miserably are living this way because they lost their passion. Or maybe they decided to look too late. Maybe the window of opportunity closed. I know this is what happened to me.
I know that I never invested in myself and then one day, I looked around at my life and realized that none of this was real. I showed up to the big game and I was unprepared. I showed up a little late too but hey, at least I’m here. I was lazy in some ways and depressed in others, which run as one and the same.
I know that I believed I was all alone. I never thought anyone could possibly understand me. I know that I tried to play this off. I know that I put on a brave face and wore a mask to hide behind. I know that I said and did things because insecurity is a bitch!
Insecurity has literally been my ruin.
Anyway, this is not about me. This is about the way we behave and why. I think at some point, we grow enough to realize that even parents are only human. And dig it; I know that when we’re young, we look up to our moms and dads. They are the first teachers we have in this life. The truth is not all are great teachers, which means the lessons we learn are inaccurate.
There comes a point when it helps to humanize people. This way we understand more. This way we learn that people project their own hangups and dilemmas. This way we can learn not to take things personally.
You will learn a lot more than I could possibly teach you. You will learn and you will grow and hopefully, you will live a long, healthy and happy life. No matter where you go and where you are; this is my wish for you. And maybe one day . . . a cup of coffee with me, just to sit and talk and laugh about how crazy this world can be.
I never told you how beautiful you are.
I never told you so many things.
Either way, I’m telling you now.
Wherever you are.