To better our interaction between us and the rest of the world, it is important to understand our relation between us and the rest of the world. It is important to understand the way we think in connection with the way we feel and furthermore, it is important to understand that the way we feel impacts the way we live.
That’s the point of these journal entries, to simplify the way we think so that we can lose the complication between us. Simplify the truth which is we have to be mindful because sometimes, the mind can be a liar. Sometimes, the mind can be a little brat who screams in the store because it’s not getting attention, validation or even a toy.
It’s the voice in your head. And I don’t mean we’re crazy or anything like that. If anything, this only makes us normal. So, when I say it’s the voices in your head, I don’t mean we’re hearing things. At least, not really. It’s the internal voice. It’s the conversation we keep with ourselves; also known as the internal narrative or self-talk.
This is where the committee meets in our mind which can either be the bridge to peace or lead a path to war. The choice is ours.
How many times have we had this talk? How many times have we discussed scenarios and planned our responses? Or better yet, how many times have we responded and overreacted, simply because we thought ourselves into the mindset of war?
It is said that we can either be our own best friend or our own worst enemy. It is also said that we tend to head in the direction of our focus. Put simply, expect a problem, get a problem. Again, this is why we are in the effort business. Not the result business.
This is why we have to practice mindfulness. We have to be aware that there is a split between emotional thinking and logical thinking.
Remember, there is no emotion in the logical brain. There is no fear or worry. There is no insecurity in the logical brain. There is only a plan, tactics and strategies.
However, as for the emotional brain, this is a different story altogether. This is where we store our arrows to shoot down our dreams. This is where expectations jump to conclusions. This is where we scream for validation. We want to be noticed and acknowledged. This is where we become that bratty child who screams in the store for all to hear and see.
There is a suggestion in the business world to build bridges and not walls. I know we have spoken about this but I believe it is worth revisiting.
There is a saying that wars are expensive. Arguments are both depleting of our energy and degrading of our value. However, there is a difference between intellectual understanding and emotional understanding.
I offer this because although we might understand something intellectually, emotionally, we look for accountability. We want answers. We want reasons. We want something to solve the catastrophe or settle the mindset or the hurt or fear. We want this so that the internal voice that screams for reparations can find peace. But what happens?
We complain, we carry on, or even better, we throw temper tantrums because somehow in our mind, we entertained a conversation that left us vulnerable or seeming invalid. Then the ego kicks in. Then the brat shows up. Then the war room opens up. Next, we talked ourselves into a rapid fire of insults to act like cover fire so our mental armies can advance in conversation. We are ready to explode. We are ready to tell the world exactly how we feel and we don’t care who knows it!
Meanwhile, rather than build bridges and not walls; the emotional experts in our brain have decided to protect us by burning bridges and building walls. But to what advantage? Who is hurt?
What are the damages around us; and moreover, what are the gains?
Is solving a moment of frustration, fear or discomfort worth the aftermath we face after an all out conflict?
Our target bias leads us in the direction we face. Therefore, if we focus on arguments and prepare for the war, we expect them. And if we expect them, emotionally, we create our defense.
And what does this do?
Well, the question is simple: What happens to innocent people in wars?
They’re caught under fire and hit by artillery that they didn’t deserve or wasn’t meant specifically for them. Meanwhile, our emotional responses fire off like bombs in the midnight sky.
It can be World War III in an instant. And why not? We prepared for it.
We expected it so the wars must be true. And think about the losses. Think about the energy. Think about casualties and the aftermaths and the apologies and the daily pittance we pay for. And why is this? Think about the damages simply because we “Thought” ourselves into a position.
Beware the internal voice.
Beware the deception of our perception.
Beware of memory because memories can lie. Memories can change, twist, contort and deform. Memories can be amplified and adjusted due to our emotional connections and then be shaded, misinterpreted and miscommunicated.
It is said that if we can think ourselves into being sick then we can also think ourselves into being well.
It’s the direction of our focus. It’s where we steer the ship. We can build a bridge or burn it. We can build walls or break them down. The difference between the two is a decision and the decision is a direction of nurture.
Do we nurture the war rooms?
Do we feed the anxious thinking?
Do we feed the logical mind where we can create plans, use tactics, create methods and have a strategy to sew this all together?
I have seen people feed their anxiety and nurture this to the point where they enter the stages of personal meltdowns. I have seen emotional warfare destroy working relationships with missiles and bombs of low blow comments.
In the end, the aftermath was expensive. In the end, the wreckage is often irreparable. In the end, the meltdown cost friendships, love, respect and trust.
But in fairness, in the moment of emotional upheaval, no one thinks about what they say. People speak out of anger. People shout and scream and look to be validated.
We argue and why?
The answer is to solve a tension or discomfort within. Often, we find ourselves in meaningless arguments as a means of projecting our emotions on someone or something else. We can enter debates that are otherwise unimportant yet, suddenly, we’re all about it as if this argument threatens the very fabric of our flag.
I have been part of arguments simply to oppose those who I disliked. I would even flip sides, simply to be the opposition; meanwhile, I wasn’t arguing about anything that was important to me.
No, I was arguing just to argue. I was arguing the same way a bratty little kid screams for validation and attention in a store.
This was a projection of me; but more, this is a degradation of self. If I am arguing for the sake of arguing then this means there is something in my personal inventory that needs to be addressed.
If I entertain the internal voice or play the tragedies out in my head, rest assured, these things can and do come true, especially since I’ve allowed this a home inside my head.
I go back to the saying: Never let anyone rent space in your head.
And I say this partly in support and partly in protest because there are times when thoughts move quickly and take us from stages of peace to all out war.
But wars are expensive.
I suppose peace can be expensive too.
But here’s the thing: One is worth the price and the other, not so much.
The choice is up to you.