I wonder now.
Where was I on this day back in 1988? I wonder, for example, the math that went into deciding my turns or predicting my future. I say this because if at all, if we are anything; we are most certainly an outcome. And now as I approach you with this thought, although my time in math class with word problems is far distant from me now, the idea of finding the outcome in a mathematical equation means the possible result that depends on probability.
I pause here to warn you that I was never an exceptional student – especially in math or science or especially in understanding probabilities. I say this and admit that intellectually, I understood the basic math of me plus you. It was the emotional math that was often miscalculated
I have no valid complaint on the subject of math nor do I equate my challenges or struggles to my absenteeism from math class or any other class, for that matter. However, and instead, I see this as a challenge with the figures in my life – and, if we stick with the ideas that we are all equations of self; and if we stick to the math that states we are always the square root of our own equation, the definition of the word “figure” means a number, symbol, numeral or arithmetic, capable of being added or subtracted, multiplied, and of course, divided.
I suggest that we are all of these. I suggest that we are the sum. We are the square root. We are the answer, the solution, the product, the quotient, value, remainder, variable and, of course, we are the difference.
I say this with hopes that I am not moving too deeply and yet, as deep as this is to me, this is simple. We are simple figures and the common denominator – and/or – we are often the least common denominator, especially when we are looking for the smallest of all common multiples. In fact, there are more (and it’s usually a lot more) than two fractions, which are given to us in our life.
And, I say this in fairness to myself. I was never good at math. My addition was poor, which might be where my struggles with understanding value comes from. This could be because to add any number, we have to understand the value of one.
One. This is the sole number; the sole value being the only one and also, the purpose, the reason, and the main integer, or again in mathematics; one of the positive or negative numbers.
One. This is me and this is you.
There is math between us. For every action there is a reaction.
Remember what was said about an object in motion and an object at rest?
They say, an object at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
Now, I say that I was never good in math class. And, I wasn’t. I never took a physics class, per-se. However, I understand that physics is a science that deals with the interaction of matter and energy.
This is the physical process and phenomena – and phenomena is the plural of phenomenon, which is us; a fact, an occurrence, or circumstance; and as well, a phenomenon is the presence of something impressive, something remarkable or something extraordinary.
I suppose this is a long explanation; however, I use this explanation to provide understanding and, adversely, to explain the misunderstandings of anxiety and mild to severe depressive disorders.
For example, I used words that once intimidated me and because I was intimidated, I struggled to see the value of one (that’s me).
And because I was afraid or anxious or uncomfortable, I often miscalculated the value of others – and more often, my social math was misled by inaccurate figures – meaning, I added wrong. I subtracted, multiplied and divided the equations in my head yet I failed to understand the value of one.
Put simply, my math was off which meant my chemistry was off as well. And dammit all – I was never much for chemistry class either.
Depression and anxiety disorders are a challenge to add and understand the value of one. In this case, one is us. If you don’t understand your own value and you cannot see your own worth, it is hard to know how to add or when to subtract yourself.
I get lost sometimes. I find myself adding different equations and the math in my head is off. The word problems I put myself through are as difficult as they were when, say, I was trying to figure out what time a train would arrive at a station, at whatever speed, and heading to whichever location. I always hated problems like this.
The answer to depression is to find a way to simplify the math. Leave out the unneeded and unused integers or numbers. Keep it down to one.
Freedom from depression stops when the intimidation of our math ends. This is when we come to the understanding that we are always the square root of our own equation. This is when we understand our sole value.
Then we can find our purpose to provide a desired outcome and from this point onward, the math or the science and the chemistry of depression will never intimidate us again.
I wish classes like this were taught in school. Not the typical math, per se but more the math, science and the chemistry of understanding the value of one. Us.
I wish I could teach this in a way that kids can understand. It would be nice to know that somewhere, there’s a kid who took a spike out of their vein simply because they understood the value of one.