I think I will close this here . . .
But before I do, please allow me this one final entry.
We reach a point where the chapters end so a new one can begin. Or better yet, we come to an understanding or we move on. We move forward and once we’ve identified our acceptance of what was and now that we realize where our struggles began, we can either face them and change or we can submit to them and deal with more of the same.
Safe to say that I have met good people who were compromised by a challenge or a demon. Safe to say that although I say these were good people, in the same sentence, I can say that they have done terrible things. Then again, it would be equally safe to say that as a human, I am no different. Therefore, the question remains: Is this fixable? Are we truly curable? Or, is our wiring and our chemistry always prone to our defects? Better yet, is recovery possible?
Is this why addicts can’t change their lives? Is this why chronic relapsers and alcoholics fail themselves? I can say we have all failed ourselves and we have done this more times than we can count. Yet we often play judge and jury as to who is curable and who is not.
Perhaps there are some who have been deemed “Poor unfortunates” who cannot change or adjust their ways. But even still, this is a concept of the mind. Or better yet, this is a person’s chemistry. Above all, this is mental health (or illness, depending on how we look at it).
I have met with and spoken to people whose past had gripped them throughout their entire lives – I have met people whose belief system was this is all they can be – and when the instance arose or when the challenge was faced, I watched as people succumbed to life-choices that would otherwise be unnatural.
There are parents who’ve asked me why their children steal or why they can’t stop lying. I wonder if the parents ever ask themselves the same question. This is not to say that all lies are the same or that all thefts are the same. Instead, this is to open the conversation and update our thinking.
This is to change the narrative and to improve understanding.
Hence, this final entry is intended to bring to light the quote from Mark Twain:
“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”
However, this extends much further than man or woman or a specified gender. No, this is human. This is the ego and the mind which is always looking for a trick to keep its surface mind free and its subconscious happy.
I have met with offenders of all kinds and the explanation is the same – there is an ingredient which blinds them.
I have seen the narcissist within me as well as within others. There is something blinding or better yet, there is something which blurs the boundaries of our better judgment. It is our selfish, self-centeredness, which destroys our best interests. We want. We need. We grab. We take.
It’s the struggle and the inner-turmoil. This is a challenge with compulsion. This is a struggle with our relationships that can be either personal or professional. These are the grounds for change in which some people succeed and others, not so much.
In order to improve, we have to find the things that keep us from improving. We have to understand that it is better to avoid our demons than resist them. However, when I began this journal, I started this with an open stream of consciousness to let the chapters go wherever they may.
And here we are.
The need for self-awareness and self-care is essential to any success. Therefore, if you or I or anyone is going to be successful, it is important to understand the items that keep us from our success.
It is important that we understand the wiring diagrams in our mind and how our thoughts are connections to bias, subconscious programs, memories and memory biases, or how these are connected to emotions, feelings and preconceived notions that lead us down the pathway to irrational assumptions.
It is true that we can either be our own best friend or our own worst enemy. It is also true that happiness is somewhat of a mathematical equation. We have to learn how to add ourselves and what to multiply. If not, we can easily become divided and subtracted.
I have been asked why I write about wellness or mental health subjects. I have been challenged that my qualifications are not at the level of top professionals. And I agree. I am not writing this as a top professional. Not at all.
I am writing this as a person who goes through life. I have items of my history that provide a map as to where I went wrong or how I betrayed myself. I have my own recovery, which is why I write about mental health.
I have chosen to write this journal as well as my other journals because this is my medicine. Surely I understand that this is subjective. I understand that not everyone is going to relate or identify. Then again, there are people who I’ve talked with who understand and identify. So, I suppose this is for them too.
The one person who stands in my way has always been me.
The same goes for you. And the same thing goes for most people.
We are our own most troubled complication.
If we learn to overcome and avoid the obstacles in our mind, we can find a new plan to recreate our world. We can lose weight. We can get in shape. We can change our business plans and update our thinking or take classes. We can adjust our schedule to improve our lifestyle. We address our unhappy elements and learn to distinguish them from weighty to unimportant.
I have been on a search for much of my life. Then again, I suppose we all are. I suppose we all want to say “Eureka!”
I have found it!
Sometimes, the search can be grueling. Sometimes, our search can seem unending. But oftentimes, our search is complicated with the mix-ups in our mind.
So, before I close this journal, I ask these two questions:
How often do we get in our own way?
And . . .
What would our life look like if we stopped doing this and allowed ourselves the freedom to search for our lives without tripping over our own two feet?
Could you imagine?