I have come into the sum of so many things
which have grown bigger than I’ve realized
and gone beyond my control.
Then again, this is life;
these are the episodes of our existence
in which some are perfect and others are less than.
Some are stellar and others are unremarkable; yet,
life comes at a steady pace.
Life happens. Age happens
and in the blink of an eye,
time passes and we look back and think,
“Where’s it all gone?”
I am imagining myself at the helm of my figurative ship,
steering the bow of my emotions
through the wake of an ongoing sea.
I can take on water. I can weather the storm.
I can seek any port and
I know that one thing above all is true –
no matter where we go, there we are.
No matter how we try to weave
or avoid the truth; the truth is always there.
This is life; unavoidable, ongoing,
eventual and inevitable
Had it not been for the reflection
or had it not been for a moment of awareness;
or had it not been for the obviously hidden scars
or the contrast of light in comparison to the shadows,
we might never know the difference
between where we are and where we belong.
Had we not seen the low points or fallen,
perhaps we would never know
what it means to be high
or heavenly
There are, of course,
moments when the sum of all
has come to the outcome
or a final conclusion.
There are times when
there is no more room for questions
or hesitation; yet, there are times
when we hesitate out of fear
or worry of being alone
or of being hurt, exposed or shamed
or that we find ourselves in the palm of rejection
gripped too rightly
and then we can’t breathe.
There is the question of, “What if I miss”
and then there is the answer to this question
which comes with another question that goes,
“Ah, but what if I make it?”
That’s the real question. Isn’t it?
I watched a match where two players,
each one opposed the other
and the two approached one another.
Next, the two exchanged jerseys
right there, in the middle of the stadium.
I wonder about this, about the meaning,
about the intention
and about the honor between two people
who went at it, against each other.
In the end, they settled their rivalry
with an exchange of respect for one another.
I don’t think this was about winning or losing
or anything in between. No, I think this was about
two players who battled it out on the field
and left everything behind them
I think this was an exchange of commitment;
in which case, there is more to competition
than the competition itself.
There’s more to victory than the win because to me,
this was an expression of every previous loss
which that took place up until this match.
This was about all the training.
This was about all of the sweat and the pain
and all the hours at practice to perfect a craft
and be so wonderful at a sport
that perfection becomes a fluid motion
I see this as a symbol of bravery,
surrendered and submitted in a fashion
that goes beyond sportsmanship.
I see this as relative. I see this as us,
two in a match at life, in a stadium
called The World and while the competition changes
and, yes, opponents change on a daily basis,
the one thing that holds true
is the match is ongoing.
Life is ongoing as well
The games we play and the competitions are ongoing.
However, every once in a while
you meet someone in the center of the field
to acknowledge all that has gone on between you –
and this exchange,
there is something more than phenomenal.
This meaningful because
this allows the past to be behind us.
This says that all debts are settled
and that all that took place before;
all that happened in the interim, and all that went on
with the back and forth arguing or bickering
is now over.
It’s all been left out on the field.
There’s no more aggression. No more nemesis;
no more battles or battle fatigue.
Everything can lay down for now.
The battle has ended
and the scoreboard carries the notes
of what went on between us.
There’s no need to carry the weight anymore.
It is no longer within my control,
whether we all agree (or get along)
and whether we understand each other
or see things the same way –
At last, we don’t have to fight or argue.
We don’t have to cut each other down
or hit below the belt.
There is a sight which I see
when standing on the roof of a building
in Midtown on Lexington.
There are views that span
from the Uptown to the Downtown
and from the East to the Westside.
There are times when I am up here
and looking in either direction beneath the sky.
I am away from the loud noises which go on below,
down at the street level.
I am high enough to see far away and yet,
everything I need to see is right here in front of me.
I cannot always play the game on a win or lose basis.
Or maybe I can.
Maybe I’ve won more from my losses
than I ever have from my victories.
Then again, maybe we take our smaller victories for granted.
Or maybe we don’t notice them at all.
(have you noticed?)
Maybe this means we need to make an adjustment
or if anything, perhaps we should adjust
our understanding that life is a struggle and me –
I’m not the only one going through this.
Neither are you.
I’m certainly not alone and again,
neither are you.
I suppose life comes with its own fights.
Safe to say that we all have our share
of wounds and scars.
I know that I don’t know what you’ve seen or felt
and nor do you what I’ve seen or felt.
All I know is that regardless of what we go through,
everyone is going through something –
it would be inaccurate to think that pain is always specific
So, here.
This is my version of an exchange.
This is me, laying down my weapons of mental destruction.
This is me, leaving it all out there,
regardless of what the scoreboard says.
This is me, asking for peace
and saying that the battle was long and hard;
and me, I give you this as a gesture
or as a token or a trophy.
Take this in whichever way you choose.
This way the feud can end
And life can begin – eternally
The Written Addiction 