Prose From the Soul: To the Mental Mirror

I was up last night (again)
I had the chance to listen to the rain
hit the rooftop and splash against the skylights
like a team of soldiers, hoofing their way
down from a parachute raid.

Nighttime and yet, there’s so much on the mind
Am I good?
Can I be good?

It’s hard to sleep sometimes.
Just now, a loud crash came
after a flash of bright light
streaked across the sky and then
All of a sudden,
it was as if someone in the sky decided to play harder
and they must have upped the ante
because the rain fell harder. 

It is the hours after midnight in early October.
The warmth is slowly retreating
to act as a sign which signifies
the colder months are ahead and on the way.

I am both old and young, new and experienced
and, nonetheless, I am wise to the fact
that life is still unfolding – constantly
Life is inevitable and eventual
and no amount of pretending will alter this fact

You learn something new every day

Most of all this;
we learn that our worth can vary from time to time;
yet, who we are is equally as valuable.
No one is better. No one is above or below and yet,
we are somehow swayed by the ideas of higher or lower,
right or wrong, better or worse.

Take away the podium
Take away the pedestal
and then what?

I used to try and compete.
I used to try and shine like a bright penny
yet I was worried that someone else
would come along and shine brighter.

I used to run around on behalf of the insecure idea
that notion creates motion and motion creates change,
which it does.
Action does create change. Yet,
there are times when we find ourselves
running like mad and
we haven’t even moved a step.

Does this make sense?
Is this helpful?
No. I didn’t think so.

But I have news.
You can stop running now

In the case of being you. Don’t worry, kid.
You got the job.
There is no one else in the world
who can claim your space or do what you do.
There is no one in the world
who can effectively replace you or take your spot.
There is no one else in the world who can be you.
So dig this –
You don’t have to bring your report card home anymore. 
You don’t have to strut to gain the attention
Besides, if you do,
you’ll never find the validation you’re looking for.
No, this has to come from within –
otherwise, it’s only plastic
or temporary

The people pleasing can end.
The constant jockeying for position can stop now. 

You can take a breath.
You don’t have to check to see who approves
or who’s noticing you on social media
or who likes what you say or what you write
(or who doesn’t).

I have brought you here
to discuss the option to deflect or to abandon the past
or surrender to all that was
by disregarding all that kept you stuck
(or miserable)

I have brought you here to enter into the negotiations
to break free from the personal wars
of being caught in the tangles or
wrapped up in the burdens of self.
And moreover, I have come to offer a branch
which might help retrieve us
from the emotional quicksand
that we succumb to. 

I heard the rain last night.
I allowed this to trickle me to sleep.
I had the chance to renounce my doubt.
I took a deep breath. In and then out.
I closed my eyes.

I thought about the sun, which I know
that although the clouds are thick and the rain will be heavy;
but come morning, I know the sun is up there
somewhere.
I know the clouds are only a distraction.
I know about the troubles that come my way;
but yet, I know there is love out there for me. 
I know that I can navigate away
or find a better way to make peace
within myself.

I know that I am afraid
but that only makes me human;
and since you and me are human like,
that means I am in great company

Let go of the past, kid.
We don’t live there anymore.
You’ve paid your way
so all debts are settled.

You don’t have anything to prove
(unless you want to prove this to yourself)
There’s no grades anymore
No report cards
Just you and me
Together, come what may
(I promise)