At some point,
you are going to see things in a different light
because at one point (or another)
you are going to be away
from the people who shaded your view.
You are going to see things, much clearer
and in a much different way
because experience is going to brighten your highway
so-to-speak
and then ah-ha!
the light of understanding
will open up its door to you.
When you decide to let go,
and trust me, a day will come
when this is the only item on your list
that needs your attention;
You’re going to come to a crossroads.
You’re going to experience a moment of realization.
Either way, a time is going to come
when you are going to see things for yourself.
Including the way you see me.
You are going to come to the understanding
that people are only people,
that some of the lessons you learned
are either wrong or inaccurate.
You’re going to see that some of your teachers
were wrong or
you’ll see that some of the lessons you were told
were told to you from someone else’s perspective
and, from there,
you came to a mistaken conclusion
You are going to see for yourself,
first hand, live and in the flesh
and that, at best, people are only people.
We all have flaws, we all have a story,
we all have a background
and we all reasons why we say what we say
or do what we do.
Everyone has an invisible scar
or two
or three
or more.
There is a pathology to us all.
Everyone has their own science
and their own chemistry.
We all have our own dysfunctions, misperceptions,
and, yes, we all make mistakes
and miscalculations and,
at some point, we’ve all been misinformed.
No one is above this.
No one is so better that they can say
they’ve lived without sin.
No one can “cast the first stone,” as they say
No one can say that they’ve never used an eraser
or wished they had one at the time
You are going to see that just like you,
everyone has fears and worries.
We all have insecurities and, for the record,
I am told that 70% of people
live with something called Imposter Syndrome.
This is when you doubt your abilities or somehow believe
you’re a fraud and at any given point,
the world is going to find out , , ,
that someone is about to turn the lights on
or pull the curtain and just like that –
you’ll be revealed as a fake
and exposed as a fraud.
You’ll lose your trick
You’ll lose your place in line
or your spot on the team.
I am told that 70% of people live with this.
Do you know what I say?
I say maybe this is true.
I also say that maybe the other 30% are full of shit
because at some point, everyone questions themselves.
It’s called human nature.
The difference between me and then is now;
in which case,
I have decided to remove shame from my voice
and simply be this:
Human.
I swear, a day is going to come
and you are going to see things differently.
You are going to come to an understanding –
at least I hope so,
because the alternative
is a bitch!
Even Dads and Moms are human too.
We all are.
Even though we hold people high in regard or,
at least we’re supposed to –
Moms and Dads are only people.
I am. You are.
No matter how we try to break this down
or how we try to find accountability
or understanding.
no one can break this law.
One day, you are going to understand
and something in your mind is going to click.
You will form your own ideas
and move away from the biases you were taught.
You are going to evolve
into someone totally different from who you are now –
that is, of course, if you let this happen.
A day will come when you can relinquish your resentments.
You can let go of the past and come to the realization
that while feelings and emotions
do not connect with intellect, logic or rationality,
at least now there’s a better understanding
on why we do what we do
or say what we say.
This means you’ll be able to let go of your childhood self.
This means while memories remain,
forgiveness can persist
and you can surpass your limitations.
You can surpass all of your early memories
and the traumas which held you back.
You are going to realize that the same things you condemn in others
are things which you, yourself, have committed as well.
The same rules apply,
which means if you want to be forgiven
then you’ll have to learn to forgive as well
I have spent decades
listening to people explain why they are hurt
or tell about their reasons
as to why they are who they are.
I have heard people associate blame with their family backgrounds.
I have listened intently to those who discuss abandonment
which, by the way, I know abandonment too.
We go back a long way. And rejection?
Hell, rejection and I are old friends only now
I’ve learned to keep better company.
At some point, you will find the need
to experience freedom from the bondage of yourself
and from your past or your symptoms.
At one point, you will cross a threshold
and rather than have the need to “be right” or “validated,”
you’ll find yourself in the need
for an association with peace.
Rather than anything,
you will look to forgive yourself for the burdens of your thinking,
to let go of the weights of your past,
to breathe without the weight of same or despair,
and to think
without the intrusion of unwanted ideas
I have wandered and found myself in unwanted territories.
I have made mistakes. I have said unforgivable things and yes,
unmistakably, I have committed unforgivable acts.
At one point, in my heart,
I know that I will have to answer for this.
I know in my heart that at some point,
I am going to have to bow my head in all humility
and answer for my secrets.
I will have to answer for my selfishness
as well as for my unspoken sins.
At some point, I know the notice will come.
I will be sent for in one form or another.
I will be asked “Why?”
I will have to answer for this.
I am only a man.
I am only human.
I am flawed and imperfect.
I have sinned.
I have done my best to reach you.
I have made my efforts to replace my thefts with equal value
or more. . .
I know that I owe.
However,
I do believe in the right to make amends.
I believe in the rights of forgiveness
I believe in the ability
to right the wrongs of your past
and to correct the path of your future.
This isn’t about being absolved
or to cast my sins before a man in a cabinet
who supposedly has a word with
The Big Man upstairs.
No.
This isn’t about going to Heaven per se
but instead,
this is about freedom from the hells of ourselves
I see things at times which remind me of my younger cruelties.
I see young people who have either been misguided or bullied.
I see them trying to redefine themselves to coincide
with the blueprints they’ve been given
so this way,
they can walk the line
and be happy.
I see Fathers with their daughters
and I think of the times
when I missed out on events.
I think about the alienation
or the separations
and the unfair bargaining agreements.
I think about the way we treat each other,
which amazes me sometimes.
At one point, I came to a crossroads.
I’ve told you this before in different versions
I’ve said this in different poems too but, ah,
I’ll say this here and I’ll say this again.
My redemption has nothing to do with your response.
In fact, my redemption has nothing to do with anyone’s response.
This has nothing to do with God or salvation.
No, this only has to do with me,
awakening from the previous versions of myself
to at last be free,
to let go, to forgive and to at last
breathe deeply without the burden of guilt
At some point, you will realize that I am only a man.
That’s all.
And that’s fine
But at last,
I am finally who I am intended to be.
Wherever you are . . .
Just know that I am sorry for whenever it was
that we never saw eye-to-eye.
I wished I was different then.
But I wasn’t.
I am different now.
And guess what . . .
So are you
I say that’s a good thing.
(If you want it to be.)
The Written Addiction 