Before you go, I just want you to know
about who you are
and what you mean to me.
And so, before you go
you should know that my love for you
will never stop or be sick
or become too weak
to walk the world
Just know that my love
will live longer than my lifetime.
Know this.
Know that my love will always be like the signs
we see, which are eft behind by history.
And still, I am more than this.
I am more than more and more than before;
I am more than mysteries of the world
and my heart, my love,
and my care for you is more as well
and therefore;
my love will outlast the oldest tale
which has been written in hieroglyphics.
So, longer than the tales of Egypt
and longer than the tombs last
and longer then the pyramids;
my love will whisper into the future
like the tales of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.
I can swear to this because
what I have for you is bigger,
and longer and stronger
than the tests of time.
I know this
I know that whether you go or come back
or should I end up alone,
nothing can change my love.
Not fear. Not rage.
Not resentment.
Nothing can change this because
love cannot be changed.
At least, not true love
because nothing can break the terms of soulmates.
Nothing.
Except us, of course.
Only we can destory ourselves
because often enough,
we defy our desires
and deny our truths, which we hold deep
like the undeniable passion I feel
about a touch from your skin
or the feel from your hand
and how amazing it is
to experience the warmth of your kiss
or the feel of your body
between the sheets.
Before you go,
you should know that my heart
is stronger than life and death
and that since this is so, and since I know
this is true,
and since this is all undeniable to me,
not even the flames from Hell or the faces of doom
can silence my whispering scream.
And yes, I scream in whispers.
All the time. I do this
so that my voice will move like the wind
and blow your hair back
when you need it most.
And for the record and for the masses
and the critics and for the powers that be,
and for those who doubt me, or pity me or laugh,
and for those who deny me and say that I am incapable of this;
just know that I know exactly who I am
I am me
I have always been me
and despite my flaws or the mistakes I’ve made,
and despite my acts of aggression,
and regardless of my crimes of the heart
and no matter how often I’ve failed or sinned;
I know the truth about who I am.
I know me personally.
And no, nobody will ever have the right
or the ability to crucify me
worse than I have hurt
or crucified myself.
Look at me . . .
Look where I am now
I have lived and learned
and come to realize
that yes, there are reasons for our reactions
and yes, there are biases
and biased assumptions.
I know. . .
I know that trauma is real,
even if our trauma is unreal to someone else
or too foreign or unknown,
trauma is real and still . . .
Trauma offers an explanation of events
which gives a glimpse
to a moment of understanding
which explains why we do what we do
or say what we say.
But explanations are only explanations
not excuses and therefore,
there comes a time when we
(or I)
have to own up to what we do
and take accountability
or hold ourselves accountable
for our actions.
I am guilty as charged.
And so, before you go,
you should know that my explanations
do not excuse the unfortunate actions
which took place during
a so-called “a day my life.”
Awareness is the key to change
and like an old friend once told me,
it takes three things to constitute change
Knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.
You have to know what needs to change
You have to have wisdom
of how to make your changes
You have to understand
how to tie these three together
and make all three things
become one.
I know who I am
and what I have done
and so
before you go
just know that no matter what you say
or how you see me
nothing will ever change my heart
or the way
that I see you
The Written Addiction 