I suppose I can say that I am in a holding pattern.
I am waiting and facing a temporary moment in time. But then again, I understand that all of this and all of what we see, and all of what we think and what we feel is temporary.
Well, maybe not everything . . .
I am done though
I am doe with hate.
I am done with the thoughts that degrade me. I am doe with the past and done with the fights and the arguments that bring me back to moments of emotional despair.
I am done with the heat-seeking missiles of emotional warfare and done with my thoughts of revenge.
None of this does any good for me.
So . . .
There is a way. Or so I am told.
I was told where there’s a will, then there is always a way.
Okay then. Fine.
And so, I open myself up to the Universe and thus; I will do all I can to believe and have faith in the process.
Wheere there is a will, there’s a way.
But still, I wonder.
I wonder what the way is and if there is a way, then I wonder if the way is the way we thought or if the way we find is the way that we’d have chosen
Then again, I wonder if hindsight was perfect and if we paid attention to the warning signs or if we noticed the red flags or the dangers ahead; would we have made the choices we made?
Would we have dared anyway?
Or maybe what went through was a self-induced solution, regardless of how things seemed at the time.
Would anyone choose love if they knew that their love would go wrong?
Or was this an exit strategy for someone else?
Or maybe this was lust . . .
Or maybe the truth is more selfish and self-serving and so, lust, gluttony, and greed takes over.
Or maybe we were simply unhappy and so, we acted out to create an action that our mouths could not speak for ourselves.
Today has to be different. Today has to come with a sense of positive detachment so that we or me or you and I or us and anyone can disconnect or detach and let go of the chains that are heavy and weigh us down.
I am told that when one door closes, another door opens.
I am told that fate and destiny have something in store for me and that since I am at least a co-pilot who looks to navigate towards my future, then I have to say “ if it is up to me, then it is up to me,” and so . . .
Now is the time for me to take a stand.
I understand what happens when life takes a turn or the future we planned becomes different and changes into something else, which is either unplanned or unwanted.
I am sure that I am not alone when I say this but I’ll say this anyway . . .
I took a turn.
I fell down a hole.
I took another turn, but I fell down the same hole.
So, I tried to retrace my steps and I took another turn.
But I fell down the same hole again.
Do you see what I mean by self-induced?
I do not think people take responsibility for their actions and nor do people take accountability for their own downfalls.
And so . . .
You point and you blame.
You look to find out what happened or what went wrong and who was at fault.
But in the end, blame, shame, fault, guilt and regret are all degenerative and so, all of this only serves to dig the hole deeper.
I have to make a turn.
I have to regain my composure.
But I cannot fall down the same hole again.
Or, if I am willing to try again, then I have to go about things differently from hereon.
I have to stand up and address the line ahead of me because otherwise, all else is dead and all else is ruined because only “God knows,” that if it’s in the cards,” then it’s in the cards.
And so, when the outcome and the opportunities arrive, I need to be ready to grab hold and whether lightning strikes in the same place twice, or three times, or whether the hands of fate show themselves in a different regard; I still have a responsibility to dare and to dream and to take the risks which are required to find our purpose and make this come true.
I am in no way, shape, or form where I want to be.
I am not where I need to be either.
Perhaps I am only where I am supposed to be
(for now)
No. Wait.
I am where I am.
I am who I am.
Faults and all
Scars and all too.
Whether they my faults and scars are visible or undetectable; I am me, hurt and weak, stronger than most and still standing, regardless of the weight on my chest, or the pain in my back or the tiredness in my knees and legs.
If there is a will, then there has to be a way.
I see how people look to shoot for their personal, or emotional, and their character assassinations.
I have come under fire too..
And so, I say.
I’ve been hit.
But who hasn’t been burned, hit, or wounded from the mortars or the artillery of personal and emotional warfare?
No one gets out of life alive.
So live.
What other choice do we have?
Stop lying to yourself.
Stop lying to other people.
If there is a will, then there is a way.
I may have been killed and died alive, but my will and my intentions and my intensity is still intact.
No one can stop me.
Not even me because fate and destiny know where I belong.
We just need to get on the same page
to find my dreams
and make them so
The Written Addiction 