Everything Fell Where They May

I keep saying that I know there is more. I know there is.
I say this often enough that even I roll my eyes and say, “not again with this,” and still, I have to say this anyway.
I know there is more out there for me.

I know there is more to life and I know that at minimum, there is more than the common items that glimmer like gold.
I know there are more things out there to see and there is more for me to say and do.
I know there is more out there than commonplace beauties, which are socially graced and picked first or noticed because of a greatness that is either flesh-based or surface level.
I know there is more.
There has to be.

There has to be more than figures and shapes, sizes and sounds, colors, and somehow, beauty and beautiful things have to be something more than this. . . .
I know there is more to this.
True and natural far beauty is bigger and greater than anything which has been brought about by popular demand. 

I do not subscribe to the typical and nor do I define beauty as anything typical.
Instead, nothing in this world is more natural than natural beauty.
I know this deep down and sometimes, I fail to say t and sometimes, I am afraid to speak like this.
But today, I have no choice.

I want to believe in true beauty the same as I want to believe in goodness.
I want to believe in this the same as I want to believe that there is a cover for every pot.

I want to believe in beauty that is unaltered, untouched, and unchanged by time or space, and above all; I know there is beauty out there that has not been altered.
I know there is more to this and so, I know this kind of beauty remains unmolested by the ways of varying tastes and opinions.

I want this and yes, I want this selfishly.
Perhaps this is fine and willingly; I admit that I want this now more than ever.
I want this to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in good health until death do us part.
And yes, I mean this.
I mean this is every sense of the word.
I mean this with all of my heart too because trying to be tough and all the male-ego and false bravado bullshit has done nothing else but prove that yes, pride does come before the fall.

I mean this . . .
I mean this in more ways that the obvious.
I want more.
I want more than the intimate or even the so-called martial bliss.
No, what I want is more valuable and growing bigger because what I want is worth more than anything the world has shown me.
At the same time . . . what I want is someone and something I have known for as long as I have been alive. I have known her before I knew here because I have dreamt of her before I met her.

This is more than spiritual.
This is far more than physical or embodied in the lustful, romantic proportion.
This is more than love for one person and more than love for oneself.
No, this is more.
This is about standing up and standing strong and being true to my convictions and being honest with myself, with the world, and with fate and destiny alike.

This is me, stepping out of the tiny box and entering the doorway of a big and brand new world.
This is more . . .
This is me agreeing with the concepts when someone tells us, “too little, too late,” and this is me, daring the lonesome bridges to cross alone and dare I have to go about the rest of my life alone; then so be it.

Let me be the lonely one without a herd.
Let me go without a flock or a friend and let me be the social or private and personal recluse because above all things; I have spent enough time living with lies and living the wrong life that now, and finally, I find this time as good as any to stake my claim and make my way.

I dare the world to claim their thoughts on beauty. I dare them to do this honestly and stand strong enough to hold their ground and stand proudly to be different.
And me?

I want to be different. I want to rid myself of the pitiful sameness and the usual mediocrities because I am done with the herd or the flock.
I am done being like others just to be welcomed or accepted.

There is more. Much more.
There are dreams that have yet to be dared.

There are beautiful things waiting to be found.
There are places in this world that are as beautiful as ever and to be clear; these things are beautiful, exactly as they are and more, they are free to see.
Beauty is always free and the beauty that comes with a price is not so beautiful, if you ask me. 

There are unseen things which are often overlooked but ah . . .
I know. . . .
I know there are things out there that are created and meant to be appreciated.
Like love, like the body of love, and like the affection and soul and the sweetness of her curves, which were invented and created to be adored.
There are things like this, which are built and created to prove that fate is real and destiny exists and yes, above all, there is beauty out there, which proves that uniqueness is nothing short of amazing.
I hope this is so.
I need this to be true because the tension is incredible. 

More.

I want more and yet, I want less because less is more.
And so, if less is more then let me take less so that I can deviate from the condemned world that fits in a bottle known as “more of the same.”

I am done with the same things. I’ve had enough,
I want what’s true.
Or let me have what is true to me because I am finished and through with the common or the typical cookie-cutter models. I am finished with the same type, or the “same shit, different day,” kind of beauty.
I  want more for my life.
I want more for me.
I want more than the beautiful things which are picked up and grabbed by the masses.
As I see it –
Too many beautiful people walk around and they are unaddressed and go unrewarded. There is more out there for them too
There are beautiful things that do not get the attention they deserve and nor are they granted the truest form of adoration and admiration.

More

I want more

I want more than the feelings I had the first time I assumed that I felt a glimpse of romance, Downtown, West Village, and yes, I know.
I remember . . .
The cobblestone streets were something special to me.
I walked with an emotional high, as if I were more like some of my heroes, like the great poets who inspired me.
I walked hand in hand, straight and alert and dancing or tripping the so-called “light fantastic”
I felt as though I was dancing along the streets and existing in a softness that was strong enough to break the walls of my guarded heart.
I was happy and safe and of course, all the bullshit and the “male ego” was disarmed and vulnerable.

I wish I let go and learned earlier . . .

I am as infinite as the grand emptiness and the black hole absorption of lost and vacant souls. I am this and more. I am like those who live their loveless ways and go missing in plain sight.
But now, and forever . . .
I want more.

It is hard for me to fathom the facts and the distances between who I was and where I am now.
It is unthinkable for me to recall me as I was or to remember the ruthlessness and the alter-ego, the sociopathic ways or the old narcissist known as the previous me.

I supposed tenderness is one of the most overlooked beauties. I suppose affection and touch are often taken for granted and in many cases, we fail to take advantage of the gifts we have. And often, we fail to recognize how lucky we are to have been gifted the joys of life, love, and the feelings of someone’s touch.

I am fine where I am because I am fine to share my thoughts here instead of cheapening them and sharing them with just anyone.
I am fine to be as I am rather than to be with someone just to have someone.

I do not want someone.
I want the only one and so, until this comes true, then this is where I will stay. This is where I will be. This is who I am and this will be how I stay until finally –

I find my way and be exactly where I belong.

I know where I want to be and no, I will never accept a trade or settle or agree and consent to any kind of substitution

There are beautiful things everywhere.
And I
I want to experience all of this
But not with just anyone. . .

You know?