I have heard it said that you’ve grown when you start to find gratitude in the moments we are least grateful for.
I can appreciate that . . .
Maybe this is maturity. Or maybe this is what happens when we reach a better level of understanding.
Maybe this is what people call awareness. Or maybe the pain or the regrets found some kind of relief and subsided enough to let the resentments find peace.
Peace . . .
What a word this is.
Maybe this is the kind of growth that despite the storm and all the damages and the aftermath, something good came from something bad.
Something good came from something bad. . .
One can only hope for something like this, I suppose.
I am sure there will always be someone out there who looks to accentuate the positive by saying, “one door closes and another door opens.”
I can appreciate this too.
But –
heartache and heartbreak does not always lead us to the most logical thinking,
And I can dig it.
I can dig the fact that there are other opportunities out there.
But other opportunism do not soften the aches and pains from a broken heart.
I am not sure where I sit when it comes to the distinctions between good or bad.
Then again, I suppose this is all a matter of perspective.
Good things can become bad and bad things can become good.
Or so I suppose.
There was a time when I took a class to be certified in hypnosis. I was unsure what I believed about hypnosis and aside from what I had heard and what I was told, I did not know about the process or how hypnosis works.
I did not know what to expect and at the same time, I did not expect much, other than to learn about a new way to help open the mind and explore different ways to feel better.
The instructor advised me that there is no more, “right or wrong,” or “good and bad.”
He explained that for this kind of healing, there is only good, better, and best.
You got hurt
You fell down
You took a spill
You lost everything
Good . . .
Or maybe your pride came before the fall and the outcomes left you stranded and alone.
Or maybe there is a habit or some kind of behavior that you just can’t break.
Or maybe the nightmares and your relationship with your past and the traumas that keep you up at night are building too high and they have become insurmountable at best.
Good . . .
But what would be better?
What would be best?
What can we do to get where we want to be?
And how can we heal ourselves without wishing for a different reality or changing an otherwise unalterable world?
Change begins within.
Maybe we find ourselves at a moment of awareness.
Maybe enough is enough and we need to move on and feel better.
That’s good.
Or maybe the moment of clarity allows us to resign to the fact that the past cannot be changed.
So if this is the case, then what would be better?
We plug into these routine ideas and thought patterns that cause us to circle back to unhelpful concepts.
Our thinking leads us to the symptoms
We keep returning to learned opinions that lead us back to past versions of an emotional reality.
And here’s the thing about our emotions and perception; none of them are actually real.
They are only real and true to us.
Our behaviors can change and these changes can impact our thinking and hence, this can change the way we feel.
We can change our direction.
Otherwise, we become trained to react and we live in our same habitual circles.
All the brain is doing is adding and subtracting and doing the math . . .
And yes, the mind is always adding.
The mind is always looking to predict and figure the probabilities of what comes next.
And here comes the biased thinking.
Here comes the thinking errors and the subconscious inaccuracies.
We have cognitive inaccuracies as well as the anticipation of assumptions that predict an unwanted future.
I get this.
Don’t buy the farm, I was told.
Don’t play that movie out in your head, I was told.
Those tragedies never end well.
I was told this too.
We take on the chemistry and the energy of our thinking.
For example, if I rehearse an old argument, then I take on the feelings and the emotions, the chemistry, and the energy that took place at the time of that argument.
And I have done this countless times.
And perhaps this is why I never healed.
I have relived old fights and rehearsed what I should have said or what I wished I said.
But to what avail?
In the end; all that remains are the unresolved tensions that never seem to die because my thinking keeps them alive.
Replace thoughts with action . . .
This is a great idea
A man by the name of Tony one told me that I have to surrender to win.
He is long gone now and I have mixed reviews when memories of Tony come to mind
He explained that fighting back against the unwinnable demons and arguing in my head only serves to keep my losses alive.
This is the best way top keep myself sick
I understand when people say, “You have to let it go,”
I often explain that this is easier said than done.
But –
Feed the beast and the beast grows.
Feed your peace instead.
And let’s see what happens
I apologize for my past.
I am sorry.
I am sorry for my mistakes and the pain I have caused.
I am sorry for my losses and the irretrievable things that slipped away, never to return again.
I have good memories that were stained.
I have memories that were hurt by dishonesties and betrayal.
I have good memories that were ruined by resentments and heartache.
But feelings are feelings.
Thoughts are thoughts.
Emotions are emotions.
None of this has the right to dictate or determine my happiness.
Not unless I allow them to
(Of course)
I recall going to a duck pond where people gathered on a special holiday.
They tossed pieces of sliced bread to the ducks. Each piece of bread symbolized a sin or a regret or a part of their past they wanted to get rid of.
I do this too.
But I do this differently
Yes, I cast my sins to the tides and let the waves come and take them away.
I let the ocean cleanse me
I understand why things are they way they are.
I know why I am here and I know what happened.
I know how I coerced the hands of fate and I can see how my faults caused me to fall down.
I see how I contributed to the spiral and like I have always said about water losing to a drain; I can see how my actions caused me to lose to the drain.
And in the case of no more “good or bad” or “right and wrong”
I have no resentments that are valuable enough to me anymore.
That’s good.
I wish the past the best.
I wish the people from my past the best too.
Be happy please. This is all I can ask.
No responses needed.
No words have to be said.
And that’s better.
As for me, I can see how it’s time for me to let go and move ahead.
I know my feelings.
I know about my heart.
I know about my love.
But now . . .
All the world around me is unalterable.
Therefore, all I can do is let myself grow.
All I can do is accept what is and what was.
All I can do is take it from here.
And this?
Nothing else would be better so to me –
this . . .
this would be best
The Written Addiction 