The sun is later today. I looked up at the sky to watch the clouds moving overhead. and I can see the rain wants to let go and take a break for a while.
I can tell.
The sky has a different feel to me this morning. Maybe too many changes took place at once.
Or maybe everything is different now and the rain that came only served to wash away the remnants of my crazy yesterdays.
But dig it . . .
I do not invest much in finding the other side of the rainbow anymore.
I don’t see the point.|
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has yet to show itself and today is underway as we speak.
And that’s good.
I admit to the fact that I am not ready to let go.
I am not ready to give up or relinquish myself from my past because at best, I have not grieved enough.
I still have feelings. I have questions.
I have unresolved emotions and I have gripes, requests, and resentments and other forms of uneasiness that require some kind of satisfaction.
Then again, this is life.
This is how life goes and so, to be more precise and to the point; the great big time clock in the sky is always on time. The great big clock never ceases, never stops, never pauses, and as best as I can tell, time never looks to negotiate a new deal or compromise with us and our feelings.
Another season is about to pass and change hands.
I am not prepared for this. I am not ready for the upcoming holidays, which can either break the tension and cause us to be kind to one another. Or, I can see how the upcoming holidays can pose as a reminder of all that is gone and who is no longer with us.
I am not ready for the changing of the seasons because to me, it was just yesterday that I was elsewhere and leaning backwards on the sands in a beach chair.
I could use an afternoon like this, facing an ocean with a mouthful of prayers and a small collection of sea shells. I made sure to keep a collection. Each of my shells come with a different meaning, each collected for a different purpose, and all of them are kept safe as a means to remember that my heart is in the right place.
Alone of not . . .
I am where I am supposed to be.
I am one who has been in the right places at the wrong time. And I have been to the wrong places at the right time as well.
and here I am now . . .
Here I am world and there is no one here but us.
I find myself looking back at what used to be and wondering how the hell life is the way it is now.
I have been offered the argument that age is undefeated.
I have been told that time is never going to quit. I have also been told that time heals all wounds.
But I am not sure how I view that last one.
I have also been offered the argument that nice guys finish last. At the same time I am not so sure finishing first is as great as it seems.
Maybe nice guys finish last because they are not viewing this as a race.
I know the hands of time are not going to move any differently now.
But I will.
I will move with better intention and with all of my heart, and with all my strength, all my soul, and all of my might; I am holding on for dear life because despite the chaos and the quit when I am home alone, I know that there is love out there for me.
I know there is one person out there; namely you.
And I know . . .
I know you love me
I know you “get it” and I know you understand
And so, no matter what or where I go, or whether I find myself in fields of sunflowers or chasing ladybugs and hoping for lightning bugs at sunset; I know you are out there.
And I know that times are hard and I know all about our differences.
I know that life hits hard and there are times when neither of us have the strength to fight back or stand up again.
I know that the news can be hard. I know the losses are plentiful.
But so are the sunrises and sunsets and so is the fact that another day above the dirt is ahead of us.
I know that we have something special.
You and I . . .
I know all about the scars from my past.
I know about the unspeakable and invisible injuries.
I know about the lies.
I know about the lies I told and the ones you signed off on.
I know that neither you nor I are perfect or saints and I know that neither of us are fit to point a finger and judge.
And yet, we still do
And that’s fine.
I know this is fine because no matter what, I know that there is a day coming soon.
I know that time is relative
I know that I made a wish when I blew out my candles.
And maybe wishes like this never come true
Or –
Maybe they do
And as for me and my best interest at heart, I’m going with this.
I am going with dreams really can come true.
I am going with the fact that there is good out there and there are good things on the horizon.
Looking at life in any other way does nothing for me.
Nothing but more of the same.
And I’m done with more of the same.
I am done with my regrettable yesterdays and the past mishaps that left us like a bird with a broken wing
Aren’t you?
The Written Addiction 